Without any special preamble. With the consent of the author of this letter, I publish it for readers. It touched me. If it touches and inspires someone else, then it has fulfilled its purpose. INVITATION “A STAGE, this is just a stage,” I tell myself every day. My grandmother is already 85 years old, she has been living with cirrhosis of the liver for 10 years, or even more. He eats handfuls of pain pills, which destroy the very liver, causing pain. She periodically lies in the hospital, but the point of these trips is to take a break from everyday life at home, from loved ones. She gets ready herself and goes to the hospital. Well, or they’re already taking her there. She’s a warrior, and this year she went into a coma. I must say, by the way, that the BEST moments of our childhood were connected precisely with this beloved grandmother. She lay down for a while and came out of the coma; at her age, a coma is all, but not for our grandmother - she came back to the garden. She dies and is born again, dies and is born, for wear and tear. Sometimes I already mentally say: “Well, die already, grandmother, beloved, go and rest in another world, stop living like this, leave this body exhausted from operations!” She gets up again and plants flowers and eats her bland food. He relies only on himself, and torments this body. For more than a month I have been living on the edge, comparing myself to my warrior grandmother. All this time I understand that you can only count on yourself. I already knew this, but today I feel it especially acutely. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was lying in the middle of the apartment I had destroyed, and dying: “IT’S JUST THIS DAY, TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY,” I whispered to myself, without opening my eyes. On the new day, I woke up cheerfully and completed the renovation. With my own hands, I actually literally painted some of the walls with my hands (without a brush). Today I am not yet responsible for anyone, only for myself, for my actions, and then only to myself. I don’t have children, and I don’t owe anyone anything but myself - to be who I am, and to surpass myself, to improve. This is interesting to me, and I feel like I’m already on some 85th floor of a spiral staircase, knowing that there are only 101 floors. These last steps are the most important, and for them we need the 2nd and 3rd reopening breathing. Thanks to the fact that I am a psychologist, it is easier for me to cope, I “know what to ask myself.” In my desire to be happy (and here I mean the meaning - to be a beloved woman of a beloved man, with a bunch of little Vasilis, and little People who are so reminiscent of him, to take care of family, home and business), I miss these very children. I have everything: a loved one, a favorite business (groups), studies, an apartment, a car, passive income, entertainment, I miss children... I always look at pregnant women, at happy couples. And, it seems, I’m looking for an answer to the question of why I don’t have this, I’m looking for an answer to “Why?”, instead of a solution to “How”. Although, in practice, I prepare a house for children, throw away everything from my past life, give away things, make room for them. Sometimes it seems to me that I need children for some kind of transition to another level. Like I want to use them for personal growth. I voice it all out loud in order to live this meaning and move on to another, where I am pure love, care and support, without any transitions or levels. On the other hand, I cannot ignore my need for transition, because this is an important stage - to become a Woman in the full sense of the word. Children, I invite you into this life, I promise to try, I can, I can do a lot: sculpt, draw, hug , cook, wash, iron your clothes before school so they are warm, bathe you, climb with you on playgrounds, I can show you a safe and very beautiful world, I have 40 collectible Barbies - you can cut off all their hair, alter dresses, draw on renovated walls with felt-tip pens, stain furniture with food and plasticine, lie in puddles, bring all sorts of pets into the house, be friends with any children you like, build a hut at home from whatever you want - even from my evening dresses ! I invite you to ;)