Good time! “About any love that doesn’t exist!” Right away, I would like to make a reservation that this post is quite cynical. therefore, if you have love-carrots and, most importantly, you enjoy it, then do not read this post! For everyone else - U are welcome! So, I will write from my position, as a doctor-psychotherapist (a little cynically, without embellishment) , while removing the entire romantic part of this phenomenon, like love (falling in love, we’ll also include it here). Many of those I know (more precisely, my clients, and not only) are convincingly trying to prove that L. (I’ll abbreviate) , this is a very gentle, bright, beautiful, inspiring (I can continue to list epithets) feeling. And, you know, I can agree with this, this is probably true! There is another, deep, psychological component of this “wonderful feeling” - dependence, anger, hatred, resentment, snotty-depressive disappointment, reproaches, jealousy, sexual dysfunction etc. Now, a little point by point! It seems to us that L. is capable of inspiring us, exciting us, reviving us, etc. In fact, we like the way we feel with another person, the way we feel when we are around him. Why then, a surge of strength, goosebumps, etc., you ask?! Firstly, if we feel safety, comfort, security with another person, then these are just our basic needs in the unconscious, making themselves known! Like, yes, you feel calm with him, you don’t need to strain yourself, some basic need is satisfied. And if so, it means our subcortex tells us that this person is “suitable” for us (as a rule, this is a very false self-conviction in the first stages relationships). Although, the level of internal happiness hormones of the brain is sufficiently concentrated. In fact, at first, it’s not about the need for safety and well-being, but about our other instinct - sexual (responsible not only for procreation), which determines our sexual desire to our chosen one! It is sexual attraction that replaces the concepts of falling in love, love, and the like! But this is important to understand if you don’t want to fall into the illusion of your neurosis (love addiction is recognized by psychiatrists as one of the types of neurosis!). Just because you feel good about sex with your partner does not mean that you “can” create a marriage corner with him under a common roof, taken as a mortgage on Him (this sometimes happens). And later it turns out that you are not able to live together (namely live, and not meet the sexual need of both!). And yet, the attraction itself subsides after 1-6 months, exposing the whole essence of the other person, without this romantic bullshit, pink ponies , sweets and promises to “always be together and never part,” and, yes, to die on the same day (like the famous heroes of Shakespearean drama). Of course, if we continue to live together, then we should be united by common goals, objectives, interests, and not just a joint child (which, by the way, one of the participants in the process does not always want “exactly in these terms”, which is stated by the other ) participant in this symbiosis). And again, neurosis - “I want, but I can’t” (now or in general) or “I can, but I don’t want” (also an option: no desire; not enough money to support the future child; no understanding of living together and much more). In these cases, the conflict of the subconscious (I want) with the mind (more precisely, consciousness) - violates your harmony, happiness, well-being, idyll. In general, rose-colored glasses fall to the surface - irritation, resentment, anger, hatred, disappointment. By the way, this is because the usual way of life together was disrupted, as Ivan Petrovich Pavlov would say - a dynamic stereotype (habit) was broken and everything did not go according to plan (your plan!). Therefore, know how to talk, understand each other’s goals, joint planning and find compromises! )At one time, I recorded a video on the topic of love addiction (it’s also a neurotic and destructive thing), I recommend it at the link ⤵️⤵️