From the author: Newspaper "People's Council" No. 1-2\8-15 January 2007 How to survive a divorce. Parting with a loved one usually takes place in four stages. The first stage is denial of what happened. We are shocked by the news of divorce. We try to isolate ourselves from this process, often continuing to live as if nothing had happened. “Well, where can he/she get away from me? Well, he’ll run and come back.” “He still loves me and everything can be returned back.” The second stage begins when we begin to show our negative feelings, get angry at our ex-partner, blame ourselves, and look for those around us to blame. “It’s his (her) parents’ fault for everything,” It’s my fault, I’m a bad wife.” The third stage begins with the realization of the inevitable, acceptance and understanding that the relationship has changed and can no longer be returned to its former course. The fourth stage. Healing from past grievances occurs. We are ready to build our lives, start new romances, fall in love, leaving the past in the past. ADVICE FOR A MAN Don’t be afraid to pour out your heart to your friends or family. Share your pain with your family and friends, talk about your experiences and feelings, communicate more with those who can listen and support you in difficult times. Don’t expect too much from freedom. Very often a man after a divorce thinks: finally I am free, I can meet with friends whenever I want, do what I dreamed of. In fact, it turns out that friends may have other plans, and constantly “keeping up the brand” of well-being becomes tiresome. Alas, the newfound freedom is not pleasing. Restrain destructive impulses Many people, after a divorce, indulge in all sorts of bad things: they want to drink too much, experience strong feelings, and have unusual love affairs. In this way, you will only undermine your mental and physical health. ADVICE FOR A WOMAN Don’t get hung up on children Children after their parents’ divorce most often remain with their mother. A divorced woman sometimes makes a big mistake by devoting all her free time and energy to children. This helps her get rid of the feeling of not being in demand, of being useless, but such maternal self-sacrifice does not benefit the children. You cannot establish yourself in society at the expense of your children; you must look for other ways to realize yourself. Let go of the past and set yourself up for success Until you let go of your past, it will be impossible to build something new. You must be able to overcome your pain and allow new events and impressions to enter your life. Usually this takes a year and a half, sometimes more or less time. There is no need to rush things: as you know, time is the best healer. For a new relationship, you need to mature; hasty attempts to start a new romance with the sole purpose of proving something to your ex-spouse or getting rid of loneliness will not lead to anything good. Don't isolate yourself. If possible, expand your social circle. Sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself is a bad idea; it is better to devote more time to work or hobbies. It makes no sense to shift responsibility for a broken marriage onto your spouse - in a divorce, both parties are always to blame. It doesn't matter who abandoned whom. The main thing is that divorce does not mean the end of your life. What about children? Children have a hard time with their parents' divorce, but they suffer even more when living in a family where the parents constantly argue or quietly hate each other. It is very important to prepare the child for the fact that mom and dad will no longer live together. Don’t lie to your children that your ex-spouse will soon return to the family, Never sort things out in front of the children, don’t try to manipulate your ex-spouse with the help of your children. Don’t say anything bad about each other. THE MOST important thing: constantly repeat to your children that you LOVE them, that you the attitude towards them did not change at all after the divorce. Children ask a lot of questions, try to answer them all. If this is not possible, admit honestly that now you are not ready to answer, the time will come - and you will tell everything. @Dudova Svetlana Vladimirovna – psychologist Psychological studio “TWO CHAIRS”»