From the author: This article is about how to apply some of the methods of short-term solution-focused therapy in working with codependent people. EXCEPTIONS One of the well-known methods of working with problems is the method of finding exceptions. If a person complains about his problem behavior, the task is to find periods when it is absent. And if there is no problem behavior, then something else is present at that moment. Depending on what a person considers a problem, this other behavior may be labeled as normal, confident, effective, productive, healthy, etc. In this article I will look at a number of exceptions that can be found in families of dependent and codependent people. So, let's start with the basics. At the reception, codependent family members, often a married couple, who would like to change their behavior towards their dependent “child”. The “child” may be twenty or thirty years old or more. And, collecting information about the family, you ask the question: “How many years has he been using?” In response you hear significant numbers: 5 years, 10 years. And here lies the first exception. If an addicted thirty-year-old person has ten years of experience in using, then the same person also has twenty years of experience in sober living. And this is also his experience, which remains with him no matter what happens. This is about the fact that he knows how to live in sobriety too. Knows and remembers how it is. It is important that parents shift their focus to this fact. Further, parents can describe at length various manifestations of helplessness or irresponsibility of their son or daughter. For example, they say that he is not able to get a job on his own. Or is unable to work in one place for more than a month. And in recent years this has indeed been the case. But as the conversation progresses, it suddenly turns out that during his school years the son studied well and at the same time played one sport for many years, received medals, that is, he was quite capable of doing one thing for a long time. Moreover, it is effective. In a conversation with another family, information suddenly comes up that while she was a student, her daughter worked part-time in one place for several years. And this is also a fact. This is the experience that comes with them. Parents, being in anxiety that after rehabilitation there will be a breakdown again, forget about periods of health, success, independence, and responsibility of their children. If you don’t remember these periods, then it will be difficult to refrain from interfering in the life of your son or daughter. Often parents do not know how to stop giving money to their “child”, stop supporting him, paying his debts and loans. When examining a family's life in detail, it sometimes turns out that there was a period when the son or daughter did not take money from their parents at all, because they earned quite enough. During this period they somehow managed! And during this period, parents found other uses for their money! It is interesting that in some families with two or three children, sometimes only one becomes dependent. And this can be understood. One, having become a “hostage” of his aging parents, thereby ensured freedom for the rest of his brothers and sisters. But what is important here for therapy: the parents sitting in front of us, who “don’t know” how to slow down their overprotection of an addict, actually have experience raising children without unnecessary interference in their lives. There is the experience of trusting children, there is the experience of moderate control, there is the experience of letting go. The therapeutic task then becomes to make the parents aware of this experience. And then they transferred it to a relationship with another “child”. Another paradoxical moment. Codependent parents, sometimes one of them, often know very well what it means to rely on oneself. Often, a codependent parent is quite successful socially, professionally established and financially secure – enough even to support their adult dependent “child” for many years. A codependent parent trusts his or her ability to cope with life's challenges and often demonstrates greater resilience. But... at the same time he does not believe that his “child”.