Strange title of the article - isn’t it? Usually they talk about how to stop suffering, but I decided to write about prolonging eternal torment. And all because most people experience themselves very often and most deeply identify with themselves through suffering. A person searches for his place in the world through beliefs, values, knowledge and skills, experience, intelligence, abilities, personality, body image, wealth acquired through backbreaking (or feasible) labor, etc. Everything would be fine, but there is one thing, but. Behind all this there may be a far from rosy self-experience; on the contrary, somewhere in the corners of the psyche, he (she) may feel like a victim, a loser, an impostor, and even a “lousy jackal.” From here the relationship with oneself, others and the world is built. And as you understand, these relationships are still suffering. What is needed to prolong this suffering? Live from a feeling of deprivation (deprivation, lack, limitation in something). Lack of attention, love, health, care, money, etc. especially fuel greed and envy. The other always has more and better. In such a context, life will always feel like a glass half empty. Remain in a passive mode of helplessness. The helplessness is so all-consuming that it is impossible to imagine or admit the idea that you can improve your situation on your own. Take any refusal personally. Others do not accept, refuse and reject because you are not enough... Rejection causes such great pain that it will prolong the suffering for a long time. Another way is to give power to the inner tyrant (about him here) and not even dare to doubt his irrational statements. He is the ultimate truth. Only he knows what we should be, what we should feel and how to live. Feelings of deprivation, helplessness, rejection, internal criticism have their reasons. Sometimes they are so deep that the only way to experience oneself is through experiencing these feelings, through identifying oneself with suffering. Oh, these “sweet torments,” but who are you without them? By revealing the secret path of suffering into everyday life, you can close the door through it and thus stop suffering. ___________________________________ With respect, Lela Davydova - psychologist, integrative approach. Online and in person, Odintsovo and Moscow Book a consultation by phone 8 (903) 265-68-93, or here