Intimacy and anxiety The word “intimacy” itself is very interesting. On the one hand, it is about how two people are in very close spiritual contact, on the other hand, intimacy is still a certain distance, close, but not merging. And in this sense, being in close proximity is not quite easy. When a relationship begins to emerge between two people, there is always a certain level of anxiety: “how will the relationship develop,” “will they like me,” “will they reject me.” This anxiety, its intensity, the tension it causes can be different and experienced in different ways. If a person is able to withstand this anxiety, then the relationship develops gradually, the two get to know each other, check with themselves to see how suitable the partner is for them, and gradually the relationship becomes getting closer and closer. Such an experience can feel like pleasant excitement, anticipation. Enjoy the uncertainty, don’t rush things, trust the process, open up, allow yourself to feel, let your emotions pass through you, breathe, and not hide in anticipation. When you already have the baggage of accumulated traumas, it’s not easy to withstand anxiety. I really want certainty, clarity and stability. This anxiety, and behind it the fear of rejection, is sometimes stronger than reason. And without figuring out whether this is our person, whether he is right for us, there is a risk of entering into a relationship too quickly, skipping all the stages and quickly breaking into intimacy. And this is, first of all, physical intimacy, because openness and trust are important for spiritual intimacy. And then, there is a risk of confusing sex and intimacy and starting to build codependent relationships. Having barely met, people can start living together, formalizing a relationship, etc. In such cases, the antennae seem to be more tuned to the other than to oneself. As soon as they show sympathy for us, we are ready to get married and have children. But disappointment usually sets in quite quickly. A series of changing partners, sexual intimacy as a substitute for emotional intimacy, the pain of disappointment, shame, bitterness and new traumas. In search of intimacy, we give our body to be torn to pieces, but the desired result does not come. In anxiety that we may not be accepted, rejected, we present only one side of ourselves, hiding our shadow, we present a mask and hide our real self. At this moment, we fall into a kind of dependence on the other, on his reactions, his feelings, and we step on our own. The other extreme would be an attempt to avoid intimacy altogether: “I’d rather be alone than experience betrayal again.” Then any attempts at intimacy will be suppressed. A person will build impregnable walls around himself and will carefully guard his space. In this case, two opposing feelings are fighting inside a person: the desire for intimacy and the fear of rejection. This fear is so easily read that it is almost impossible to get closer. People literally run into the boundaries of a person and cannot break through to him. The state of true spiritual intimacy is so fragile and so vulnerable. It requires courage, trust, openness. After all, in close proximity we take off our masks, take off our armor and appear, in a way, naked, naked. And intimacy happens at the moment when both partners remain, withstand each other’s shadow sides. And despite everything, they continue to be in contact, do not turn away, do not shrink, do not leave, do not close themselves off, but continue to be close. This is a state of mutual care. When we are very finely tuned to each other, we feel at what moment we can remain silent or, conversely, start talking, move away or come closer again. Intimacy is still about feelings. Even if we get closer through words, intimacy is when we feel ourselves, feel the other and feel the space between us. And one more thing, intimacy is possible when there is intimacy with ourselves. When we are truly ready to be with all our feelings, to withstand their intensity, not to turn away from our secret desires within ourselves, but to agree with them.