Any psychologist or psychotherapist has more than once encountered the request: “My husband is an alcoholic,” or “my son is a drug addict/gambler...”, or “the first husband was an alcoholic/drug addict, the second was fine at first, and then he also started drinking/gambling..”, or: “My husband drinks, my son started using drugs..” and then - “Well, why? Why should I do this? Tell me what to do to stop this? So that it doesn't happen again? For a specialist, it becomes clear that further we will talk about “codependency.” In this topic - the topic of codependency, I personally like to work in the metaphor “Scenario of a dependent family.” This scenario quite clearly outlines programs that work in families where there are addicts. Each of the participants in the “scenario” not only plays his own role in it, but throughout life passes it on, as if by inheritance, to his children. The performers of the roles can change, move, but only within the framework of the script, and the script itself remains unchanged for many years, sometimes all their lives. The script is a script because it provides, in addition to the roles, a certain plot. In this play, the plot is as follows - one drinks (gambles, takes drugs, hangs out on the Internet, works a lot and for a long time, etc.), and everyone else revolves around him, suffering and tormented, wishing for themselves and their loved ones a better life. Each role, as befits a role, it has its own goal, and the goal determines the line of behavior - all together create a “stereotype of behavior.” The stereotype rests on its main core - the dominant feeling. The person playing the role, unfortunately, does not see or feel this “core”, therefore he is not aware, and even moreover, he denies it, which is why they say that it is dominant in the subconscious, hidden. The same feeling that is manifested is noticeable to others , it's on the surface. None of the characters in the script can change their behavior while in the script, since only deep changes lead to external changes. The behavior of the partners in the scenario - each other's behavior - cannot be changed in principle, everyone changes themselves. And yet, everyone has a certain benefit from their role. Without it, without benefit, the role simply would not exist, there would be no need to perform it. And no matter how strange it may sound, the family also benefits from each role. Therefore, every day in every similar family scenes are played out that are similar to each other to such an extent that they are written as a carbon copy. The script puts on the “family stage” the performers of two main roles. This is the role of the “dependent”, naturally, otherwise the family would not have received the name “dependent”, and the role of “patron”. It is difficult to say which of it is primary and which is secondary, just as there is no clear answer to the question of what came first - the chicken or the egg. Most likely, they simply find each other, in the sense of “dependent” and “patron”, since they are literally created for each other, and exist exclusively as a couple. In addition to the main roles, there is something like “supporting” roles: “hero” ", "goat", "abandoned", "talisman". Each "supporting" role (most often played by children) has a source - the family situation and the position in it in which the child is placed from birth. The dominant feeling in these roles is some kind of “negative” feeling on which a person is “stuck” at a certain age. “Negative” - not because it is bad, but because it is not constructive, i.e. It is impossible to build anything harmonious on such a feeling. What pleasant, useful thing can be built on shame, guilt, resentment, loneliness, fear? But it is precisely these feelings that settle in the souls of children living in dependent families - they become “stuck” or fixated on, and which ultimately leads to a delay in the harmonious development of the child’s personality (E. Erikson). But, again, due to the laws of this scenario, and these roles also have their own benefits. Each role is a certain type of psychological defense, it is a found way of survival in conditions unfavorable for development. If at least one family member realizes his role (the dominant feeling and benefit from the role) and refuses to play it, he takes the Path of finding Harmony. If he)