To be in a relationship you have to learn. Unfortunately, we were not taught this as children and there were few examples of good relationships. And we, 20, 30, 40... year olds, repeat the relationships we saw in childhood. Meeting a person and starting a relationship is a breeze. And you try to maintain them at such a level that both will be comfortable for many years together! Few people succeed. No, not because both are bad, but because both do not know how to be in a relationship: they do not know how to talk, explain, ask, negotiate, minimize their selfishness and show empathy when necessary. And the older we get, the harder it is to learn: established in the subconscious, behavioral patterns become more and more rooted. Any relationship needs to be built, brick by brick, action by action, support by support, understanding by understanding. I like one way. One trick helps very well: when they start shouting at me or saying something, at that moment my defense mechanism turns on for the one who is shouting. A happy person does not scream, which means he feels so bad now that in this way he is trying to alleviate his condition. I feel sorry for him and there is no question of any attack in response. It would be nice if everything were that simple, you say. Yes, it's more complicated. Just people close to you will say things that hit you where it hurts the most. And after this, scars may remain in the form of grievances, which only accumulate over the years if you do not work with them. Start small - swear correctly until you learn to talk. Scream, but not with the words “You ruined our relationship”, “because of you we live like this”, etc., but with statements, no one has canceled them yet. Express your emotions, feelings, dissatisfaction with the situation, but do not attack the personality of your loved one - it’s too painful! Another technique if communication, as practiced, goes according to the level of loudness! -write letters to each other! Real! You can do it by hand, you can do it electronically, but again, using the “I-statement” and stating what you would like in the end? Just don’t write short SMS and respond impulsively, but think and start... I’m very sad that we had a fight. At this moment I feel... Little by little, in small steps, you will learn to understand each other, hear and agree... Well, if not, you have us - psychologists - for that!))))