I force myself to do something, but then I don’t have enough willpower, and I quit. A familiar story? Today’s post is about relationships with yourself. Simply because only by building harmonious relationships with ourselves can we build them with others. I have repeatedly said that “forcing” is VIOLENCE. Here I will tell you what is happening inside your psyche, and why “WILLPOWER IS NOT ENOUGH.” So, you need to do something: start eating right, go to the gym, do some work... it doesn't really matter what it is. Usually, if someone “forces” himself somewhere in one place, then the same scenario manifests itself in many other cases. So inside yourself you can “hear” as if an argument between two people: one is inspiring how it is necessary and possible useful, the other says how she doesn’t want it, “well, everything was fine, why are you starting?” This couple is like an evil stepmother and a child. The evil stepmother forces the child to do something, puts pressure on his sense of shame: “You won’t do it.” , you’ll be bad, ah-ah-ah!” The child resists. Even if he understands the usefulness of the event, he wants to make decisions HIMSELF, and will contradict his stepmother in any case. They force him, which means he has to do the opposite. He does not do as the evil stepmother orders. The evil stepmother begins to intensify the offensive, using criticism: “You are such a weakling, you have no willpower!” Sometimes one of them wins in local battles, but the war continues. That’s why “willpower” ends. Would you be interested if I told you that this stepmother-child couple is nothing more than a victim and an aggressor inside your psyche, that these are the consequences of emotional trauma, and acting out a certain scenario? In general, this it is. But you’re more interested in how to stop it? Yes, it’s the war that needs to be stopped. To do this, we introduce a third person who will resolve the conflict, explain to the oppressive stepmother that violence will achieve little, and to the child that sometimes it’s worth listening to those around you , because they can offer interesting things. In this case, one time “showing an effort of will” may not become a coercion for the child, but an invitation to try something interesting. The third person does not take sides, but at the same time accepts everyone. You already have it, but if the war is going on, then she is probably sleeping. Some people manage to wake her up on their own, while for others she is almost in a coma. In the second case, a psychologist will help bring her out of the coma. What if the confrontation continues? It’s simple - you lose energy on internal battles. Here, procrastination appears, a feeling of fatigue out of the blue, and maybe more serious psychosomatics. You can say that such a confrontation no, that part of you that regulates conflicts does not sleep, and everything is ok. Perhaps. But if the expressions “I force myself”, “I don’t have enough willpower” appear in your speech, or you often engage in self-criticism, then the war is still going on, it’s just the stepmother wins many times more often. But what if one person “rules”: the stepmother or the child? In general, many live like this for many years, when one of the parts is strongly suppressed, but this makes life incomplete. If “rules” stepmother, creativity, joy, surprise disappear from life, everything begins to seem like a gray routine, the feeling of old age can come even at 25 years old, then at some point a person simply loses the meaning of life. If a child “rules”, then there is no organization, but there is a constant feeling of dissatisfaction, you want everything at once, but when you get it, you realize that this is not enough, life turns into an eternal race for the incomprehensible, and this brings a lot of suffering. By strengthening the third (adult) part, you bring balance to your life. Although this is not always easy to do.