In the modern age of information technology, the media have a great influence on the formation of public opinion, establishing a stereotype of the “correct” life, “correct” aspirations and values, including the value of sexual relations, the importance of close relationships, the “ideal” family, and the need to have children. A woman, when choosing a “suitable” candidate for family life and having children, has certain expectations from him. To avoid disappointment in the future if you choose the wrong partner, it is important to clarify some points for yourself, whether a man is ready for family life and the birth of children, what values ​​were laid down by his parental family, how he perceives the role of a father for himself and what he is afraid of. Let's talk about this. On average, around the age of 21-23, the basic ideas about fatherhood characteristic of this period are formed: young people intend to have children in the future, but not now, they consider it necessary to plan the birth of children and consider this as a prospect, but only in a few years ( from two to five). At the same time, young people generally have a positive attitude towards children and understand that with the birth of a child a man has great responsibility. Taking the social stereotypes of our time as their own opinion, young people believe that the father is a role model for the child, since he educates physically and spiritually, socially supports the child, and gives a sense of self-confidence and protection. Research conducted on the psychology of fatherhood by Yu.V. Borisenko, confirm that men who do not have children identified the following qualities of an ideal father: responsibility, goodwill, love, care, justice, determination, discipline, honesty, interest, recognition of the child as the most valuable person. What is a “potential” candidate for a serious relationship afraid of and how does a man perceive pregnancy and the birth of a child? For a man, a man’s wife’s pregnancy is perceived as a restriction of desires, freedom, a restructuring of plans, and immersion in numerous household matters. The man understands that after the birth of the child his wife will switch to the baby and caring for him. Not every man is able to endure the loss of attention to himself and at the same time give love, attention and care to his loved ones (wife and baby), without receiving immediate satisfaction. All this determines how good a man can be as a father or not. According to I.S. Baklushansky and A.N. Drusilova, the turning point in the formation of a sense of paternity, as well as in the emergence of possible problems, is the middle of pregnancy, when a woman’s belly appears, her position becomes obvious, and the child becomes more real. His wife's pregnancy poses a difficult task for a man: how to cope with sudden feelings of fear and uncertainty, and provide psychological support to his wife, take on most of the external problems, creating a protective barrier between the woman carrying his child and the rest of the world. How the future father behaves in each specific case will depend on many factors, the main ones being: his personal make-up, maturity for family relationships, a conscious assessment of the difficulties that arise, his ability to cope with them and his relationship with his own mother and father. The pride of fatherhood and the perception of a pregnant wife as a source of pride are impossible without mature masculinity. One of the most powerful experiences for a man is fascination with a woman’s ability to give life, to give birth to a new person. Breastfeeding a child, when the mother, as it were, saturates herself, causes in men a feeling of the greatest power of a woman, and, on the other hand, as K. Horney wrote, a feeling of their own insignificance and imperfection. This can lead to over-indulgence in work, other women, or anything else thatleads to the fact that the expectant father misses the opportunity to establish contact with the child. Another important problem is that the wife’s pregnancy awakens the images of motherhood that a man developed many years ago, and here the scenario of his relationship with his own mother plays a very important role, which was present in his childhood: care, trust, support, how positive the image of a woman is and mothers developed in a man in his scenario of a parental family. The wife's pregnancy can return a man to a long-standing childhood relationship with his mother and provoke various reactions, including not the actions of an adult in response to real difficulties, but the child's reaction to the mother. In addition to all this, the man has a fear that the child will take his place in the woman’s life, since pregnancy will allow the woman to become more self-sufficient and get everything she needs. The fear of being unwanted is the most powerful experience for a man. It is important to understand that fears may not be recognized, but they influence a man’s behavior. Later. Problems that arise during pregnancy lead to disruption of the relationship in the father-child dyad, and sometimes to marital problems. So, for example, in the research of G. Craig, a man can refuse his new social role as a father if, in the early stages of the child’s development, he does not have any feelings, and he can distance himself from this role and turn only into a source of material wealth. A man may perceive a child as a person who owes his parents and is obliged to love them without a close emotional connection just because they are his parents. A man may also refuse to communicate with a newborn child, citing the age of the child, while losing the opportunity to establish emotional contact with him. The wife’s attitudes and her desire to remove her husband from the child may also have an impact here. A man who has not developed a feeling of attachment to the child may be jealous of his wife for the newborn; such an attitude will further contribute to the father’s separation from the child and lead to various family problems. If such a situation develops, communication between the man and the older child will be disrupted. The fear of losing the opportunity to influence and control the relationship reflects the fear that with the birth of a child, the wife will receive an advantage associated with caring for the child, because only she knows what is best for the child, and will use these arguments to put pressure on her husband when solving everyday issues. Fear of drastic changes in life and loss of freedom of maneuver in relationships may even be the reason for reluctance to have a child. How to determine the personal maturity of a man who is ready for a serious relationship and having children? Many psychologists (B.G. Ananyev, Yu.V. Borisenko, A.A. Rean, etc.) argue that men who are ready for serious family relationships have the following qualities: personal responsibility, social maturity and prosocial behavior (the prefix “pro” means: acting in the interests of someone and for the benefit of another person). Fatherhood is one of the most important tasks of personal development. The criterion of personal maturity, according to domestic researchers (B.G. Ananyev, A.A. Rean), is social maturity, the components of which are: responsibility, tolerance, self-development and a positive attitude towards the world. According to E. Fromm, care, responsibility, respect and knowledge are the totality of qualities of a personally mature person. Viktor Frankl noted that spirituality, freedom and responsibility are the three main components of human existence. The desire for self-improvement and self-realization is of great value. They are an indicator of personal maturity and at the same time a condition for its achievement. Self-actualization manifests itself in various ways: in service to a cause and passion for meaningful work, the ability to love and care for another. A personally immature man needs to affirm his masculinity in his own eyes: he strives to conquer and.