Dear parents, we continue to talk to you about unconditional love, about what helps you develop this ability, what helps you accept your child as he is. Today I would like to pay attention to what prevents us, adults, from loving unconditionally, what is bit by bit depriving us of this ability. In one of the first articles I already touched on the topic of parental childhood experience and how the “lack of memory” It can play a cruel joke and prevent the establishment of a trusting relationship between parents and children. I talked about how our own conscious and analyzed childhood experience can become our ally in the process of communication and education, that the memory of past childhood times can help us treat children more carefully. And today I would like to talk about the other side of the coin - about when our own childhood experience can become an enemy to us and our children. We have already said that we often put memories of our childhood and our experiences in a distant drawer and We think that since we were children a long time ago, there’s no point in thinking about it. But our memories do not miraculously disappear, they simply lie dormant for the time being, and what we decide to “forget” certainly begins to remind us of itself, to “bloom” when we become parents. We cannot avoid this, no matter how many smart books we read, no matter how much we can do, these dormant memories will someday “shoot” at us and our children. The thing is that when we have a child, we seem to We begin to relive our childhood experience together with our growing child, all this happens at the emotional level. Experts often start talking about how the way our parents communicated with us has a huge impact on how we ourselves, having become mothers and fathers, will build relationships with our children. It is sometimes very difficult to believe in this, especially when you swore to yourself as a child that you would NEVER and UNDER ANYTHING behave as “ugly” with children as your parents did. But in fact, more often than not, it turns out differently. You yourself, dear readers, have probably more than once caught yourself acting in certain situations towards a child, as your parents once did to you. Surely, you are ashamed of your behavior, then you begin to blame yourself for acting so unreasonably, understanding, of course, latently how unpleasant it is for the child, but over and over again you step on the same rake and punish yourself again and again The same rake lies ahead. And so on in a circle. Note, if as a child your parents scolded, punished and criticized you for every objectionable act, for every misdeed committed, then as a parent, your first reaction if the child does something wrong will be similar. At this moment, you react and act unconsciously, because a storm of emotions has risen within you, which is associated with similar unpleasant situations - this is how your past childhood experience “speaks” to you. And for such a reaction, believe me, you don’t need much, you just need the child to do something “wrong” and once again - the reaction begins! At such moments, when the emotional wave has already risen in response to what is “wrong”, “deviating from the norm” The child’s behavior, logic and rationality in the parent’s actions are completely absent, because at this moment the psychological traumas and complexes received in childhood “played out.” And all the actions of a parent aimed at “calming down” an unreasonable child in such similar ways, at such moments can unconsciously be aimed only at mentally proving to their own parents how “well done I am”, “I am worthy of your love”, “I am good,” love me, please! This is a vicious circle that many parents walk in - it truly hurts them, although they may stubbornly deny it. Every day they are angry with their careless children, with themselves, for the fact that they cannot influence them in any way, they!