I grew up in a dysfunctional family, where everyone was on their own, stewing in their own “cauldron.” There was always a hidden tension in the air, sometimes it was unbearable, but everyone was silent about it. In our family, it was not customary to talk, voice our goals or desires, or talk about feelings. My room was my territory, my little world with a makeshift latch. When the door closed, the tension ended, or rather, I knew how to deal with it. Leaving the room, I found myself in a strange atmosphere where it was completely unclear how to behave and what reaction you would get to this or that action. The best option was to sit quietly and keep a low profile, to be inconspicuous. I could only allow myself to talk with my parents about some functional things, “to the point.” It was not safe to talk about personal things, ask questions, or be interested in something. Therefore, everyone was silent, fearing to disturb someone else's peace. I remember one situation clearly. I was 16 years old. It so happened that I walked for a long time with friends and came home around 23.00. I was ashamed and scared to go home. I didn’t know what to expect, what reactions. When I finally crossed the threshold of the house, I was plunged into tense silence. The parents were silent. Damn, it would be better if they were yelling at me, saying that they were worried, that they were angry and that they were ready to kill me. But everyone stubbornly tried not to notice me. There was anger and resentment in the eyes. But no – silence and tension. The atmosphere was unbearable. I wanted to run away from home, just not to endure this impending deathly silence. I remember how I gathered all my strength and all my courage into a fist, entered the room and babbled in a trembling quiet voice: “Mom and Dad, forgive me, please...” That’s all I could squeeze out of myself. At that moment the tension collapsed. Mom exhaled noisily, father said, “okay, call next time.” And I felt better. A million thousand times easier. Then I learned an important thing. Family needs to talk! Even if something is very difficult to say, even when emotions are overwhelming or painful. We need to talk. There are no perfect people. We sometimes swear, quarrel and get angry. Sometimes we feel uncomfortable with situations that happen. I want to remain silent about some of them, forget, pretend that they did not exist. But this cannot be done. Understatement, hidden resentment, hidden pain forms a deep hole in relationships. The more we remain silent, the deeper and wider the hole. One day you realize that the distance between you and your loved ones is so vast that it is almost impossible to overcome it, the wall is impenetrable and you are no longer close at all. This is scary to understand. If there is strength and resource, if there is enough awareness, then people embark on this difficult path of restoring relationships. But more often these forces are not there, and then people run away, in the hope that other relationships will be better and more successful. Perhaps they really will, if you realize what the problem really is. Or maybe everything will happen again and then disappointment will block all the good things in the relationship. If you have a close and trusting relationship with someone today, talk about everything. Don't be afraid to be misunderstood and unaccepted. Most often these are just our fantasies and fears. Take care of yourself and your relationships!