From the author: Article prepared for Red Lips Journal I step into the future with hope! To a new bright relationship! An end to pathological bachelors and married people/bitches and lazy people with whom nothing shines! I'm tired of the endless waiting and hassle! And here he is - the same person in my life! Now everything will definitely be different! I jump headlong into love and immediately step on the same rake! Doesn't call/doesn't love/is rude/cheats/drinks/is in no hurry to get married/oops! married (underline as appropriate). It’s painful, offensive, annoying! What's going on? What is wrong with me? Why again?! How do I attract such partners into my life? What is stopping me from building normal relationships? To answer these questions, let's first understand the terminology. “The One” is the ideal image of a partner with whom you would like to connect your life. Possesses qualities that allow you to build happy relationships. He is kind/caring/attentive/respectful/loving, etc. The “wrong one” is a real person with whom you are building a relationship that does not suit you. Why do we think about some and choose others? We want a family, but we are not satisfied with women at home, but are attracted to bright and inaccessible ones. We dream of an ideal man, and at the same time, the smart and caring ones in us create boredom, and we are excited by the “bad guys” who do not strive to create a serious relationship. Intellectual choice does not work when it is not in harmony with the internal picture of the world. You've probably already heard that people in our lives do not appear by chance. Someone talks about fate and the lessons it brings. And someone says that we are looking for those whose image is already inside. Subconsciously. This means a person who complements our life scenarios. It would be nice to establish a relationship with yourself before creating a relationship. After all, it is impossible for a weak, wounded, anxious, exhausted person to build healthy partnerships. But from weak positions it is easy to find a rescuer/mom/tyrant and so on. This is one of the reasons why the “wrong” ones come across. Inability to build “healthy” relationships on your own. Scared to be alone Another reason to choose the wrong ones is the fear of being alone. There is no choice from this state. Grab the first person you meet and run to jump headfirst into a relationship! It’s much easier to grab the “wrong one” - there are more of them than there are those who suit you. Fear and anxiety do not give you the opportunity to stop, look at those who are there, not rush into decisions, feel how good it is, and compare. Dependent/anxious relationships develop very quickly. And when the pink veil falls, it turns out that there is very little in common, everyone has different goals, and it is also difficult to understand each other. But leaving is already too hard. Shouldn’t we go towards loneliness and look for what’s so unbearable? Inaccessible people are attractive. A man believes that he will achieve what he desires, but is unapproachable, thereby proving to himself and others his worth. A woman hopes that everything will change and happiness will come in which she will feel attractive and desirable. But reciprocity, as a rule, does not happen. When choosing an unavailable partner and demanding reciprocity from him, think about whether you are ready to enter into a serious relationship yourself? Maybe this is just a way to actually avoid them? And isn’t this an internal conflict between “I deserve better” and “it’s impossible to love me the way I am”? There is something you don't know about yourself. Each of us has some ideas about ourselves. And there are sides that we keep in the shadows. Sometimes not only from others, but also from yourself. The more we hide it, the more it shows up in relationships. When something is not accepted in oneself, it can be projected onto another. From this opera there is a contemptuous discussion of each other's shortcomings and, in general, accusations of imperfection. Are you jealous? Shouldn't you find your hidden desires and how you deal with them? Are you jealous? It is possible that someone sees your “shadow”, which you are carefully trying to hide... How is your vision?/)