I'm not a robot

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I'm not a robot

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Sasha was brought to me by my mother. He was 16 years old, but according to my feelings, he was much younger, about 10 years old. While I was talking with his mother, he was sitting in the corridor, waiting, and very afraid. Fear was the main feeling that accompanied Sasha’s life. He was afraid, it seemed, of everything: me, his peers, answers in class, authoritative people, and in general people who could appreciate him, and it seemed to him that anyone could do this. That’s actually why his mother brought him, she said that Sasha is an introverted and insecure guy, and because of this he has problems, both at school and with his peers. It was true. It took us a long time for Sasha to even come to me without fear, let alone trust me. The first sessions began with a long silence of about 10 minutes, where I tried to somehow win him over, then gradually this time became the introduction to the session, or even making contact, each time ending with intimacy and trust, I had to start, almost with a discussion of the weather. In addition, at the beginning of our work, he stuttered a lot, he said that he usually does not stutter, but only when he is very worried, that is, he was very worried when communicating with me. Over time, all this passed: the stuttering passed, these ten-minute introductions passed, he began to joke, and as our relationship became closer and more trusting, fear disappeared not only in our relationship, it became less and in general in Sasha’s life. Our relationship reminds me of the relationship between the little prince and the Fox, slowly and gradually, time after time we got closer to each other. It seems that for him this was the first relationship in which he could allow himself to be himself, and not a diligent and obedient boy for his parents and teachers, and a nerd and a “nerd” for his peers. Then the time came when Sasha was able to face his anger, which had previously been completely muffled, clogged with his fear, and when it (the fear) became less intense, when Sasha was able to withstand it, he began to feel angry. At first, he was angry at almost everyone: at his classmates, who did not accept him and made fun of him, at teachers, for misunderstanding, for injustice, for grades that did not suit him, and finally, he began to be angry with his parents. Anger was a new feeling, so Sasha didn’t know what to do with it, he was scared of it, didn’t know how to express it, and most importantly, anger began to reflect his unsatisfied needs for recognition and communication, acceptance, and generally just normal human relationships that did not exist before in Sasha’s life, which he simply did not know how to build. We worked with his anger, I really remember the session where we took turns saying all sorts of obscene words that came to our minds, I started, and he cautiously picked it up, and then a barrage of his previously suppressed anger fell on the walls, on the furniture of my office Throughout our work, despite the initial fear, and despite the fact that Sasha was communicating with a psychotherapist for the first time, he was quite open, aware, and highly motivated in his changes, he himself helped me a lot in establishing our contact. There was such a case, after one very frank and promoting session, Sasha fell ill and did not come several times; when he came, I asked him what he thought, why there was this break (I didn’t particularly expect him to answer about internal experiences, usually in At this point, clients say “well, I was sick”), but he replied that he needed a break to think about everything, to be with what happened, and to feel how he was living with his new conditions and changes. Then there was a period when Sasha began to feel quite confident and began to test his strength in real life, then he was faced with the fact that his friends and classmates, according to him, did not take him seriously and did not see his changes. He had to overcome this “test of strength” in order to once again confirm that he had enough strength to be more confident, more.

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