In our culture, no one teaches us to openly take care of ourselves and our interests. A person perhaps first understands the value and importance of self-care when he encounters problems in family life, at work, and comes for a consultation with a psychologist. When faced with problems when one’s own understanding is no longer enough, many begin to think about self-improvement . That is, there is something wrong with me, and I need to improve myself, and then everything will be fine. Spiritual development is mistakenly presented as the development of “high” and “good” qualities in oneself. Many understand spiritual development as the development of love for other people, care, kindness. Then greed, practicality, concern primarily for one’s own interests are for some reason opposed to “good” qualities, and are considered something mundane, “low”. This misconception is reinforced by the introjects of important figures in childhood: “You must...”, “You must be good...”, “Only good people are happy...”, “Don’t be selfish,” “Do unto others as you would like them to do.” with you..." Over time, with the help of a psychologist, you begin to realize that all these messages from parents and loved ones had a very utilitarian goal - to make you comfortable, so that you do what suits others, not you. I was amazed by such a scene. Mom says to her 11th son: “Son, what is the purpose of life? What do we live for? We live for others, son." These are the phrases that lay the foundation for introjects and future problems. With this phrase, the mother laid the foundation for an internal conflict for her son. It turns out that when he thinks about himself, about his pleasure, about his desires, it’s somehow not very good. But the boy is 11 years old! Naturally, he wants to play, communicate with friends, and enjoy life for himself. In addition to psychological knowledge, I also study the ancient knowledge of Tantra, yoga. And I discovered many similar things. Tantra says that there is no division into “high” and “low”, into spiritual and material, everything is valuable and important. And spiritual growth occurs in accepting all parts of oneself. When we accept ourselves as we are, with all our “base” desires, then transformation occurs. Then there is no inner conflict and you start caring for others out of inner desire. You just want to do it and that’s all! And without first loving yourself, accepting yourself with all your “poop” and characteristics, you won’t be able to love another. Love begins from loving yourself, from taking your desires into account, from realizing in life what you want. Where does self-love begin? The first thing is to listen to yourself, to your body, to your sensations. Learn to distinguish your desires. And take care of yourself. Let it be even something very small: “I want to drink”, “I want to move”…. Realizing your needs from minute to minute builds inner confidence and support. And this is not just an exercise that needs to be done and forgotten, it is better to do it constantly, every day. The second is to say “no” to people and situations when you want to say it, stopping playing the victim and the “good person.” You cannot please everyone and always be comfortable, so make a choice in your favor, take the right to it. Self-love, caring for your own interests becomes the basis of psychological maturity. This is how spiritual growth happens. When you feel good, you are satisfied because you have learned to do it yourself, then only then can you give something to others. You are overwhelmed, and love for another, the desire to give becomes a natural impulse coming from your true self. Subscribe to my new publications! You can sign up for a psychotherapeutic consultation in person or via Skype with the author of this article by phone +7 926 596 87 15 or in person Sofia Pushkareva's website