Good afternoon, friends, colleagues! Today, I increasingly come across articles, questions about separation, failed separation, and so on. Separation (from the Latin “separates” - “separate”) is separation (and if we talk about the aspect of interpersonal relationships - parting with a person, with whom a trusting relationship has been established). This is the separation of an adult child from his parental family, his formation as an independent, independent person. Moreover, separation is the ability of an individual to separate himself and his feelings, thoughts, emotions from a significant loved one. If we translate this into simple terms. language, then this is separation - this is the separation of a child from his parents, as a result of which he is able to independently manage his life, make his own decisions and take responsibility for them. In my practice, there are cases when adult children do not communicate with their parents for various reasons. , if communication does not bring joy, but only rocks emotionally. Or the other pole - when someone’s mother, husband or wife is actively present in the life of a young family. Do you constantly get advice? Are your personal boundaries being ignored? Do they require regular participation in family life? Do you feel like you are living at the expense of yourself and your family and at the same time feel guilty if you have to refuse your parents? Do your parents want you to live up to their expectations? What should you do to avoid conflicts on the one hand, and to start living your own life on the other? How to separate from your parents in an environmentally friendly way? Admit that you and your parents still have an emotional relationship. Talk with your parents about your plans. Show that you are already an adult enough, provide for yourself financially (and this is really very important), you can make decisions and be responsible for them. Bring things to completion. Accept that you and your parents are different People. This means your views, tastes, opinions, goals may not coincide. And that's okay! Take responsibility for your life. Recognize the right to your life and your own mistakes. Yes, yes, exactly mistakes. Accepting someone else's opinion to avoid mistakes is one strategy, and in some contexts it should be done. But not in all and not always. How can you understand that the separation process has been completed successfully? What are the characteristics of such a person? What abilities and skills tell us that we have a stable, “separated” personality? The ability to take care of yourself financially. The ability to ask and receive. Do not be offended if you are refused Actions and decisions do not depend on the approval or denial of other people Ability to cook No, without feeling guilty or other similar emotions Ability to maintain a deep emotional connection with parents and partners, while maintaining independence of judgment and actions Ability to voice one’s opinion in the presence of parents, even if it does not coincide with their views. Well, in conclusion, I would like to offer you this exercise “Separation from the attitudes of parents.” Take a pen and paper. Choose a time when you will not be distracted and ask yourself: What messages did my mother convey to me about the opposite sex? My father? Grandmother? Grandfather? ! Ask yourself this question several times so that you end up with 5-10 messages. Now look at them with a critical eye and ask yourself: Which of these messages did you take on board? Which ones are beneficial to you now, and which ones are harmful? What attitudes are you willing to give up? What attitudes can be used to replace beliefs that are harmful to you? If the topic of separation resonates with you, if you feel that you want to work with me in this direction, to discuss the results of the exercise, I invite you to come to me for a consultation. You can make an appointment with me here on the website or on my page.