In child psychotherapy there is a simple diagnostic exercise when a child is asked to play. If he builds a house, arranges rooms, gives tea to dolls or drives cars into the garage, then this child does not have a problem with its own place. But if it moves the heroes either to the moon, then to the Emerald City, or just to the village with their grandmother, then that means the place is in trouble. If you thought that we are talking about having your own space, then this is not so. Your own place in transgenerational psychology, this means the correct place in the family system. If there is no place, then there is no support, because for a child, the support is the parents. How can you “lose” your place? For example, when in the family (more often this begins from the time of the great-grandmother. Difficult things happened there: children disappeared without a trace, husbands and fathers drank themselves to death from despair. We had to give up what we had acquired and emigrate for various reasons. Divorce, addiction, poverty, etc. The grief of loss was not lived through, it was repressed. Women lost their support, stability, and inner steadfastness. Needed to be a mother who has the resource to contain the child’s feelings. And then the mother herself parentified (in other words, pulled) the child into unusual roles. “When children and parents within a family suddenly change places, psychologists call this phenomenon parentification. This means that children become the force that holds the family together, responsible for its well-being and safety.” The child began to do what he SHOULD NOT do according to the laws of family systems. Raise younger brothers and sisters, support his mother: console, accompany, give advice, save from drunkenness father, etc. In other words: the child needs to serve the parental interests... Which, of course, hinders, one way or another, his own MENTAL development. In the process of psychotherapy, it is important to give the person his place in the system. To bring order to the family system. Today I will share with you a detailed analysis of the “Arrangement of women of the clan” technique. It is effective in the parentification of children. The arrangement is possible on pebbles (shells), chairs. It is proposed to make an arrangement where a person gives a place to women of his clan: a place for himself (Alena) for his mother (Lina ), his mother's mother (Inna), his mother's mother's mother Asya and his daughter Masha. From the transgenerational porridge where daughters and mothers are mixed, the client prepares a place for himself and for them. The required number of stones are selected and laid out as needed. It is not clear, who is closer here, who is further away, who is in what relationship: who is for whom, what should be done and what not. Next are pieces of paper with the names of the participants. First, prepare a place for yourself. The client looks around, puts a stone and says to “this mess”: this is mine place! Next, who will you give a place to? For example, your daughter. You need to say: “Daughter Masha, come! I have a place for you. This is your place! “Here we work so that the client physically feels his daughter nearby. When we reach the mother, we need to understand that we can only ask her. This is not always possible right away, because parentified children can only be able to command. Here, many experiences can arise that are taken into account by the psychologist. Permissive phrase: “Mom Lina, I ask you to let me go to my place, and leave yours for yourself.” You can tell the client similar: unfortunately, in the family, between women, chaos arose in relationships. But according to the rules, in the family system the order is different. - You destroy old relationships, but create new ones. - You can tell your mother important things: “We have such a relationship, that I don’t feel like your daughter, but I want to feel like a daughter! Could you please take your place? Next, using the same principle, we ask the grandmother to take her place. You can ask your grandmother as a granddaughter, or you can ask your mother, like your mother. You can also ask your great-grandmother: you, you and your mother, your mother and grandmother, or all together. “Come up” directly with your pebbles: Baba Inna, I want to ask you to go to great-grandmother Asya, since I want to be in my place. Let the client feel how great it is to be behind someone!!! -great-grandmother.