This happens when children do something they shouldn't do. And most often these are things that adults have failed to cope with. And the child begins to solve these problems. Feelings that accompany children: guilt, worry, anxiety, responsibility, fatigue, depressive feelings, auto-aggression, even suicide. 1) To be the pride and hope of the family. You are the best, you will change our lives for the better, you are the main one in the system, the importance of our family depends on you, we all look at you. The result is the fear that they will be disappointed in you and devalue you just as much as they valued you. 2) Be a confidant for mom and dad. When parents share their secrets and secrets with their child. Mom tells her teenage daughter about her novels, dad asks his little son not to tell his mom about beer and an unfamiliar aunt. 3) Coalitions, triangles, a child as a buffer - when adults cannot resolve a difficult situation between themselves, and the tension is too great, then you need someone else. “Dad offends mom” is instilled in the child, and now mother and daughter are “friends” against dad. Here - when a child is forced to calm down and separate his parents when they make a row, and this already becomes his responsibility in order to maintain peace in the family. And very often children “bring” their parents for consultation so that the situation in the family can change. “Can I hope that you will help my parents and me?” - asked me an 11-year-old boy who was brought in because of problems in his studies. The child organizes the happiness of the parents and maintains peace in the family! 4) The child is a partner. When a husband leaves a woman, the son begins to take his place. He calms down, protects mom, brings her food and gifts, and can even sleep in dad’s place. Here relationships are often already incestuous. Of course, such “couples” are very stable and children can spend their entire lives with such parents. Because there is a huge sense of responsibility and..guilt5) Responsibility for the feelings of the parent - “you offended me, you are taking me out.” Again, instilling a feeling of guilt, moreover, for something that the child cannot control 6) Guilt for similarity - when parents get divorced, and, for example, mom is very angry with dad. But his son looks like him... Both in behavior and appearance. And the child hears “you’re like a father...”, “look, otherwise you’ll be like a dad...”, “all of you (men, Ivanovs) are like that. The trick happens when the ex-wife blames her husband for specific behavior. The child begins to completely copy him. Partly because of a feeling of protest, partly because of the desire to maintain loyalty to the pope. This behavior is expected of him. The child takes this for granted. By the way, they may not even talk - the mother may simply feel angry when she sees her son. And not even realize why.7) Mystery. A secret in a family is always stressful. They may hide from the child that the father is not his own, that the child himself is adopted. It’s interesting that in a family where there are secrets, children often steal, well, it’s a very common symptom. 8) A child is an outlet, the meaning of life, the main person, the main man (for girls - the only one I love, who I will protect for the rest of my life). All life is organized around the child, he acts as a guarantor of happiness and the meaning of existence. https://t.me/berezin_child This is my Telegram channel “Psychologist for Parents” - about children, teenagers and their parents. About crises, difficulties, about school and family. Really a lot of practical information that is verified by reality.