Perhaps every family faces crises in relationships. I invite you to reflect on naivety and maturity in marriage using the example of Apuleius’ myth about Cupid and Psyche. The myth tells about the God Cupid and the earthly girl Psyche. Cupid fell in love with Psyche, but since the gods were forbidden from marrying mere mortals, Cupid decided to hide his beloved away from prying eyes and met with her at night. His main condition was that Psyche should not see his face and not know who he really was. Psyche lived in luxury and prosperity, her palace was surrounded by a marvelous garden, servants fulfilled her every desire, and at night Cupid came to her and loved her. And everything would have been fine, only Psyche’s older sisters found out about this, envied her happiness and began to instill in her the idea that she was living with a monster who needed to be killed, otherwise this monster would destroy her. Then Psyche decided to disobey her lover and, under the cover of darkness, brought an oil lamp into the room. When the light illuminated the face of her sleeping husband, Psyche recognized him as the god Cupid, but carelessly tilted the lamp and hot drops of oil fell on his delicate skin. The pain from the burns he received and the anger from breaking the ban forced Cupid to leave his beloved and return to his mother’s house. Further, the myth tells about the suffering of Psyche and the difficulties that she had to overcome on the way to returning her lover. Having gone through many trials, she still manages to return Cupid and even the Gods from Olympus went to meet them, they granted her immortality and officially entered into a marriage in heaven. In psychology, older sisters are considered as more mature parts of the psyche. It was they who encouraged Psyche to look at her relationships in a new way. Difficult trials and even walking into the kingdom of the dead describe a crisis in relationships and the metaphorical “death” of the previous identity. This is the transition from a naive marriage to a mature one. So what are naivety and maturity in marriage? A naive marriage is a compensatory, projective marriage. This is when spouses, due to their psychological immaturity or trauma, are not in contact with themselves, do not know themselves, their needs, agree to conditions that do not suit them, just to stay in the relationship. When they see in a partner not a separate personality, but their own projections. The period of falling in love and the first few years of marriage very well characterize the state of “naivety”. During this period, spouses often either adapt to each other (well, won’t I tolerate it? After all, we love each other), or begin to bend each other (I can re-educate him/her). The transition to a more mature position begins then, when we give up our illusions. From idealization and enchantment, through disappointment, we move on to reality. But reality is unpredictable. But if we go there, then we meet our new self there. In the mature stage of marriage, I know exactly what I want and what I don’t, and I have the opportunity to see my partner as he is, to hear his needs. In a mature marriage, there is a dialogue with a real other, and not with my fantasies about him. And if at this stage a decision is made to end the relationship, then it is already conscious and is not just an attempt to escape from the relationship. And in conclusion, I would like to add that the maturity of marriage is not a plateau or a goal, but a certain process, a meeting with oneself, with for others, the opportunity not to go into affect, but to stay in contact and experience what is happening. If you are going through a crisis in a relationship, come to a consultation alone or together. We will explore your processes, get to know yourself and get to know your partner again. Sign up for consultations on WhatsApp/Telegram 89233198764 Process-oriented psychologist Elena Butusova