The young people met, fell in love with each other, successfully went through the candy-bouquet period and decided to live together. “And they began to live well and make good money.” But not everything is so simple. Getting married and starting a couple's life together is usually a difficult time. Romance and life under one roof are completely different things. The first crisis in their life together is coming - after all, now it is important for them to agree on what rules they will build this very happy life together. There are rules that can be developed easily, and there are those that are difficult to develop: firstly, because they are poorly understood, and, secondly, because they are tied to self-esteem. The rules that are easy to talk about are the external rules of life. For example, which family members plan a vacation, who washes the dishes, who buys groceries, who earns money. If people do not differ much from each other in their experience of living in parental families, then it is quite easy for them to agree on such external rules. At first, almost everything evokes strong emotions, because everything is a sign of a relationship. “I had already gone to bed, and he said that he wanted to finish watching the football. Is this about football or is he already losing interest in me?” With a high level of trust in a couple, you can voice internal concerns and save yourself from many problems in the future. But in family life there are also essential things about which it is more difficult to agree. For example, the rules of preferred sexual behavior. Example: A girl grew up in a family where mom met dad in heels and makeup, and the girl knows that this is normal behavior and that there is no need to walk around the house in a robe, slippers and offend the eyes of her husband with her untidiness. If you want to please your husband, do some makeup and everything will be fine. And the young man grew up in a different family. In heels and makeup - this was his first teacher, whom he hated with a fierce hatred. And at home his mother was so soft, she walked around in a robe and slippers, and he felt very good in her. And now the wife is waiting for her husband from work in heels, she thinks that now they will have a great time together. And he, seeing her, is perplexed: “Are we going to visit?” She thinks: “He doesn’t want me. Maybe he’s already stopped loving me?” Then she gets sick and walks around in a robe and slippers, she doesn’t like herself terribly, she feels bad. The husband thinks: “Finally, my wife is home,” and begins to show sexual interest in her. Wife: “What a brute, I feel so bad, I’m sick, but he doesn’t give a damn...” Well, what’s not a joke? Let’s consider this case. How does a young man think when he comes home? “I come home, I think that now I’m going to have a great time with my wife, and she’s already getting ready to go out somewhere, but I’m thinking - she’s already at home and waiting for me, and she’s dressed up for strangers. Doesn’t she like it?” Some tension arises, which is difficult to discuss because it is not clear what we are talking about. Everything is very vague. Drawing a clear line of who does what and when, who feels what and when (when heels and when slippers) is not an easy task. For people, this happens at the level of well-being, and is not at all formulated in words. People feel discomfort in communicating with each other, and this upsets both of them, because they connected for happiness and joy, and not for grief. It is very difficult to understand these mechanisms, and even more difficult to discuss them. But if young people could talk directly about this, discuss their feelings, then this issue would be resolved very simply, like the question of whether we are going to visit today or doing what something else. In order for relationships in a couple to develop harmoniously, 3 components are needed: 1. Optimal amount of separated information. To experience intimacy, trust and comfort in living together, people living together must have the feeling that they know enough basic information about each other (about the past, significant events in life, his relatives, friends, colleagues) and current information (about how a person feels, how the day went, how he feels about his