"A person can die from a huge number of reasons. For example, a gunshot wound, a fatal disease... Loneliness...". F.M. Dostoevsky In the previous article, I already touched on the topic of loneliness and talked there about why a person deprives himself of communication with other people. In this article I will touch on another important point that leads to a person’s isolation. But first, I’ll tell you what prompted me to write this article in the first place? People who have communication difficulties periodically contact me. And the reasons are usually given as follows: “They don’t understand me,” “I don’t know what to talk about,” “I’m afraid to start a conversation,” etc. Behind all these words lie quite dramatic stories about the difficulties that a person experiences in communication and, as a result, disappointment in people. I cannot remain indifferent to this, because it is really difficult when there are no people in life with whom you can have a heart-to-heart talk, complain, ask for advice and know that the answer will not be an offensive assessment, criticism, moralizing, or insults. I am sure that we all need close people and trusting relationships. It is quite difficult to survive alone in our world. My practice has shown that the cause of such difficulties in communication is a certain communication mechanism. For example, in the case of “they don’t understand me,” the reason may be a distorted idea of ​​the partner. The distortion (projection) itself occurs on the basis of pre-created ideas about what the partner should say, how to react, think, etc. And if he behaves differently, it means “he doesn’t understand me.” Or it seems to a person that the one in front of him must be perfectly aware of what he is saying (again, a projection). And he formulates the information in such a way that he is understood at a glance, leaving out many important details from the content. “In general, I went there and they told me that I should try to tell him. But I talked too much, and he said the back word,” etc. Naturally, no one understands him. But how can he not see it himself? But this is very noticeable from the outside. Shyness and modesty in relationships prevent those who have the fear that they will think badly of them from being appreciated. And as soon as they speak, other people will notice them and then... then everything will repeat itself, as it once was. And once upon a time, as soon as they opened their mouths, offensive words immediately sounded, such as: “You better think first before you say anything. You’re always going to blurt out something!” Naturally, after such unpleasant attempts to say something to another, even though a lot of time has passed, it is very scary. And in the end, the following conclusion: “Why bother a person, why distract him further.” And communication again did not take place. What I described above is, of course, not all. And we can describe many cases when a person cannot, for certain reasons, enter into a relationship and remain in it. Or he enters them, but very quickly leaves them (runs away). Behind all these actions there are mechanisms that have developed over time, which a person may not be aware of. How to determine whether there are mechanisms or not? Look at your relationships with different people at different times. Surely you can find some common points, something that was repeated from time to time. For example, for some reason people constantly make offensive jokes towards you, insult you, or constantly try to blame you for everything, or they systematically set you up at the most crucial moment, etc. All repeating things can be considered as our peculiarities of building relationships, which means there are certain mechanisms behind this. It’s like a kind of “underline” of relationships or our favorite “rakes”. Changing these mechanisms is possible after it becomes clear what a person does in relationships with himself and with others. That is, my and the other person’s reaction to me is exactly what we create in a relationship. And you can work with this. Nothing just happens. Yes, there are touchy people. But what to do if everyone around you is offended for some reason and turns away? Yes, there are hot-tempered people. But what to do,.