This article continues the series of articles on working with conflicts in couples: “Crisis in a couple. Norm or pathology?” and “How to overcome a value conflict in a married couple?” So, we have determined the stage of development of relationships in a couple, explored values, and the next stage is exploring goals. Do the partners have common goals or are each of them on their own wavelength? If the latter, then conflict is inevitable. Indeed, whether or not a man and a woman should be a couple in the long term, whether or not to live together, is often decided on whether the partners have common goals. During a training or consultation, I ask spouses: what do you do together? They usually answer: raising children , we manage the household, arrange housing, spend leisure time, and travel. In a “healthy” relationship this is true. But when one or both spouses declare that they are each on their own, that they have no common affairs, then this is a serious problem! Conflict over goals in a couple is closely related to value contradictions, but also has its own specifics. A goal is an image of a result. I suggest that during consultation the couple imagine their family in the near future, for example, in 3 years. We may find that these ideas differ, sometimes significantly. If partners have different visions of what their future together should be, this can cause serious disagreements and even crises in the relationship. After all, the image of their future for each person is value. This image inspires, inspires, fills a person with creative energy. What if your partner says: “Forget it, this won’t happen!” How will you feel? How can conflict over goals manifest in a married couple? Most often we observe this as a contradiction in the motives and aspirations of partners. For example, disagreements about important life decisions: Where, in what area is it better for a family to live? How to build property priorities, for example, should we buy an apartment or a house? How do we manage a household? How many children should there be in a family? Are we pursuing a career in a company or building our own business? What are we interested in? How do we spend our leisure time? Conflicting goals can lead to problems in communication, decision-making and loss of partner support. And really, why should I support someone if I don’t share his goals? If I think so, then my partner is doing some nonsense, such as volunteering or doing charity work, or, worse, playing computer games! And the list goes on. And if he also spends his family’s money on this! This is no good at all! Misunderstanding or insufficient discussion of issues important to partners leads to aggravation of contradictions, conflicts, divorces or the “death” of a dream for one of the partners. You can recall the feature film “On Main Street with an Orchestra” directed by Piotr Todarovsky about how a man sacrificed his talent for the sake of his family. Resolving conflicts regarding goals in a married couple requires great tact and frank dialogue, searching and accepting reasonable compromises, recognizing, accepting the goals and intentions of the partner as valuable, significant for him, related to his life meanings or mission. During the consultation, we discuss personal and joint goals of partners, clarify what values ​​they are associated with, what emotions they evoke. We determine the degree of compromises that partners are willing to make if the contradictions in goals are significant. If you liked the article, please like it and leave comments! You can sign up for a consultation by calling +7 963 061 08 18 (WhatsApp, Telegram)