What parent doesn’t want his child to go to kindergarten without tears and worries? I am sure that there are no such people. What can be a support and support for your peace of mind? How do we unconsciously contribute to the child’s experiences? And what would be good to insert into the conversation is getting to know the teacher. So, the parent is the main character. Everyone knows that the state / behavior of the child is a reflection of what is happening with the parent, his experiences. How to remain calm, confident and positive at this transitional moment? First. Deciding that the child goes to kindergarten. Your internal feeling of the correctness of this choice is a support for you and a resource for peace of mind and the ability to support the child. It happens that a financial situation or some circumstances force you to send a two-year-old child, or even a younger child, to kindergarten. This is definitely too early for a child , but in your situation you cannot do otherwise. And in order not to fall into feelings of guilt and self-recrimination, answer the question: why am I doing this? There are more possibilities and strength in any truth than in avoiding or denying it. In your situation, you do what is possible - you go earn money to be fed and clothed. How do you like this advertisement: “...we accept children from 1 to 6. Your child needs communication - do not deprive him of this opportunity. We will teach the child to communicate...”? In my opinion, complete nonsense. At 1.6, a child needs a mother. I think it would be more correct to write: “You are forced to go to work. Work calmly, and we will take care of your child." Sometimes I hear “I’m so tired, I wish he’d go to the garden.” That's also an honest answer. But I have a question, how do you organize your life and time in such a way that you are so tired and ready to release a child who is not yet 3.5 years old into the big life? It's worth thinking about here. Mom gets very tired and says: “I do everything on my own.” But the truth is that the child is not to blame for the fact that it is difficult for his parents to support and help each other, ask for help or give it. And this is the task of adults, not a child who saves his mother by going to the garden. There is a wonderful anecdote. Once upon a time there was a poor Jewish family. There were many children, but little money. The poor mother worked her butt off - she cooked, washed and screamed, handed out slaps on the head and loudly complained about life. Finally, exhausted, she went to the rabbi for advice: how to become a good mother? She left him thoughtful. Since then it has been replaced. No, the family did not have any more money. And the children did not become more obedient. But now mother did not scold them, and the friendly smile did not leave her face. Once a week she went to the market, and when she returned, she locked herself in her room for the whole evening. The children were tormented by curiosity. One day they broke the ban and looked at their mother. She was sitting at the table and...drinking tea with cinnamon. “Mom, what are you doing? “What about us?” the children shouted indignantly. “Calm down, children! – she answered importantly. “I am making you a happy mother!” Look for your cinus, which will make you a happy mother. Situation: “..and I have money, and I’m not very tired, but I want to work.” Wait until at least 3.5, look for who and what joys (hobbies, walks, etc.) can help you during this time not to suffer and endure, but live quite fully. And so you wait, you wait, but he doesn’t want to, he says: “I won’t go to kindergarten.” And there is a possibility that some here may experience guilt. “I force the child to suffer by following my own interests.” You need to have the courage to tell the child that he is not the whole of his mother’s universe; besides him and his father, his mother also has a job. The child may have a different opinion on this matter, and you just have to be prepared for this. What does this mean? You have to be ready to explain, convince, regret, reassure, let you get angry, you have to be alive with the child and his manifestations, which are sometimes difficult to bear. I don’t want to hear him and agree with this: “You don’t want”, you don’t want so much that you don’t even want to you get angry or cry. This is important to live, this is permission for yourself and your child to have their own separate lives. How to treat the idea: educationIs a child the main task of a woman? “I go to work, mind my own business and you take me into account. You ask to visit your friends or want to invite them to your place - I consider you, we go somewhere because you want it and it’s important to you.” And in this there is, in my opinion, freedom, the opportunity to be together and separately. And this is also about education. Individually, mothers recharge well. Very often it sounds like: I want to go on vacation, go away, be alone, visit my friends. This means that your passion is to be away from the family. And this is for the benefit of everyone. I talk about this so much because the experiences with which you enter the adaptation process definitely influence the child. Secondly, for mothers to adapt, a development group with the mother is a good help, where the child sees other children, a teacher whom everyone listens to. Someone else's adult becomes the leader, the main one, not the mother. YOU will be able to observe how your child generally fully sees and hears another, comes into contact with him. A good opportunity for a parent, allowing him to move away a little. Third. If possible: choose a kindergarten and teacher. Walk, look and listen around the kindergarten and teachers that your child can go to. Am I suggesting you play spy? Maybe so. One teacher plays with the children, they run around, make noise, laugh, in general, behave like children. The other sits and gives instructions. Real life example. We have a garden next to our house. One boy, I think he was in the middle age group, was nimble and ran around all the time. The teacher sat on the bench and told him: “Calm down, otherwise you will go to the veranda.” He calmed down slightly, but his nimble temperament took over, and he began to drive again. Soon the child was placed on the veranda. He cried. I didn’t understand why he was punished. He really didn’t do anything, I really watched the situation develop. Decide who you want to give the child to. The question may reasonably arise of what to do if you don’t have the opportunity to choose a kindergarten and a teacher. Yes, this is most likely what will happen. Then you need to build relationships with teachers, find a common language, talk with them. For example: I’ll give a part of the conversation, I call it a conversation - getting to know each other, and then I’ll explain why this is so, I propose to build it (and this can be used at school or in other situations): 1.....you know, my child is so nimble that my head is often spinning. It will probably be difficult for you at times with him...2....when he gets too excited, I calmly take him by the hand and offer him a drink. He calms down well when he drinks a little water, and I stroke his back for a minute....3....I think you will find your own ways, I will be glad to know them too...4....you know, we try not to punish him, but to solve everything is done peacefully, or vice versa, when he gets naughty, we put him on a chair. Comment: say everything based on your situation. I believe that preparing for an important or difficult conversation is correct and good. Let’s look point by point: what happens as a result of this conversation: 1. - a statement of fact - you recognize and voice some of the complexity of your child for others, - you share your experience and a way that can help the teacher - you acknowledge that it may be difficult for the teacher, and he may experience various unpleasant feelings. 2. - give to the teacher your own way of dealing with tense situations.3. turn to the professionalism of the teacher and talk about the opportunity and desire to get acquainted and learn other people’s experiences. 4.- you inform the teacher about what is not allowed or, on the contrary, how you can act with your child, “You can’t kneel in a corner, but sit on a chair for 5 minutes Can". This is schematic, but in reality it works quite well. What is important here? It is important to be, to feel on an equal footing with the teacher. - If you teach him, thereby becoming more intelligent, then the teacher is unlikely to like it. Usually, such interaction is unpleasant for the interlocutors, especially for teachers who are used to teaching themselves. - If you find yourself in the position of a small child (thisa personal story may contribute) - you will be afraid of the teacher: “... no, I won’t go, or I will go, but I won’t be able to open my mouth.” - If I find myself as a teenager in a conversation with the teacher, you will be insolent and, roughly speaking, attack me.” This is for you. need to? What do you want as a result?? Build relationships and agree on cooperation. And for this you need to be in equal positions. If it doesn’t work out, go for a couple of consultations with a psychologist. Fourth. You have the right to worry at first and not trust your teachers. Will you easily and calmly give your computer or car to a person you are seeing for the first time? And here is a child, dear and beloved. To develop trust, you need to get to know the teacher as a person, as a professional, and this takes time. If trust does not arise, it is important to understand what is causing this: objective reasons or your personal characteristics, high anxiety, the desire to control everything, distrust of people or social institutions? If this is your characteristic, then this will probably happen everywhere. By the way, very For emotional and anxious mothers, your sleep may deteriorate, or your appetite will awaken and you will start eating more to cope with stress. It needs to be digested. One way to cope with this is not to stew your experiences inside, to share them with someone. Fifth. Give up the idea of ​​your hypersensitivity: “I feel what he feels.” This is not given to anyone. You can guess, you can assume from the context of what is happening and your personal experience with the child what is wrong with him, but you feel your and only your feelings next to the child. For you, tears can be sadness, but for him it can be fear. You and your child are different people, what happened in your garden is not the same as what is and is happening to the child. You could feel bad, but he could feel good, you could feel good, but he could feel bad. I’m stirring things up, maybe everything is much simpler for you. I’m talking about what I often hear; people come to me for consultation with worries. I want to say that we often don’t notice how we ourselves contribute to one or another reaction of the child. Of course, it is impossible to control yourself always and in everything; this is a likely path to the clinic of neuroses. I'm talking about something else. It would be good, especially when something is “wrong” with a child, to slow down and pay attention to our contribution to it. Here is an example from real life of how unconsciously we can influence a child’s condition. A family came out of the blood collection room: mom, dad and two boys. One, about 3.5 years old, cried. Dad carried him, consoled him, said that you were doing well, it was all over, etc. He calmed me down very well... and the son stopped crying... Then dad said: “What hurt? Well, you’ve done well,” the son again bursts into tears, dad calms him down. This happened 4 times until they got dressed and left. It’s unlikely that dad noticed what he was doing: he seemed to sympathize, but he himself provoked his son’s tears. And therefore the question “How do I influence what is happening, what is my contribution to this?” I think it’s good. Closer to the garden. Situation one. It happens - you can’t persuade a child to go to the group in the morning, and in the evening it’s impossible to pick him up. Maybe your child has a hard time switching and moving into another relationship? In the morning he still hasn’t had enough with you, and in the evening he hasn’t had enough of playing with the children. Here he is. It’s designed this way, and you already know it. For example, if you’re driving your car over a pass and you know that at a certain altitude the engine will “sneeze,” what will you do? Prepare and come up with different things to get through it. Maybe just drive at low speed. It’s the same here, there’s no need to drive. Situation two. You rush to him, and he’s angry with you, capricious. This may be expressed to you, but in fact, not everything can be addressed specifically to you, and some of it is addressed to others: the children who offended him, the teacher. He gives this to you because you are a close person, you will cope, you will support him, you will regret it. Situation three. The child is hysterical and doesn’t want to go to kindergarten. You can remain silent, endure and swell with pent-up emotions. You can also become hysterical and add fire to the firebox. You can try to be!