The beginning of adult life. What is it caused by, what events is it accompanied by? First of all, this is an exit into the big world, in which you will have to make your own decisions... The result of this life transition should be the separation of a person from his parents, gaining the ability to live further INDEPENDENTLY. How is it shown? And in the ability to realize one’s own stability, in the ability to rely on oneself, to believe in oneself. The opportunity and necessity to find your place in this huge world: to determine your path and begin to move forward along it. And one more important task faces young people at this age - finding their own identity and forming intimacy. We are talking not only about physical intimacy, but first of all about the ability to care for another person, to share everything essential with him without fear of losing oneself. In the modern civilized world, there is often confusion regarding the definition of growing up of the younger generation, in contrast to all more primitive forms of society. In any tribe, growing up occurs in stages according to the principle: I am older than those who are younger than me and younger than those who are older. And therefore, I learn from the elders and teach the younger ones. This determines priorities in relationships and division of responsibilities. In a civilized society there are practically no signs of such a change. Moreover, adults (i.e., we are parents) often consciously or unconsciously ourselves contribute to slowing down the process of growing up of our children through the creation of artificially favorable, almost greenhouse conditions, where there are no difficulties or obstacles. We justify ourselves with words like: “They’ll still have time to take a sip! Let them at least have everything that we didn’t have!” But that’s not all. We also manage to manipulate this fact of growing up in a way that suits us, while sending completely opposite messages to our growing children: “Still too young to decide!” or “You’re already quite an adult!” How can you not understand this? As a result, most teenagers do not have a clear understanding of this phenomenon, and they wait to grow up as a result of some external factor. I'll get a passport and become an adult! When you turn 18, that’s it...! But growing up cannot fall on your head like an apple, it is a process. Preparation for this important transition is not carried out instantly; it must be gradual, systematic and consistent. And it begins long before adulthood. In psychology, this process is called the second social birth. The main thing is that the “birth” is timely. If the “birth” is premature, then there is a great risk that the person will jump out into the big world unviable, i.e. unable to cope with the incessant diversity of the flow of life. In this case, it may happen that a young man, having broken free, will go to great lengths, harshly experimenting with his life, trying everything indiscriminately, acting on the principle: “We only live once, it’s important to try everything!” aware of the consequences of such destructive behavior. If the birth is late, this often leads to a decrease or complete absence of the young man’s own initiative. It’s as if he gives his life into the hands of people who are significant to him and moves in the direction given to him. In the future, this chosen behavior strategy can create the ground for disappointment and longing for missed opportunities, as well as reproaches and accusations against loved ones. Therefore, it is very important that the process is timely and that both grown-up children and their parents are ready for the transition. And I don’t know for whom this transition is more important and more difficult. Everyone has their own. For “children” by this moment it is important that they have accumulated a sufficient amount of knowledge and their own experience in overcoming difficulties and obstacles. For it is precisely such and only such experience that helps us learn to form OUR own positions in life, our own stability, characterized bybecause I find the strength to declare: “I know what I want!” I know how to achieve this! I know where I’m going!”, and responsibility for the consequences of my choices. And if the latter is missing, i.e. responsibility, then this cannot be called a manifestation of adulthood. Then it's just a game of becoming an adult. The scenario of this game is absolutely simple: “I’m already an adult, don’t teach me, don’t interfere in my life!!!..... Mom, give me money!” For parents, in turn, it is important to accumulate a sufficient amount of patience by this time to restrain one’s own initiative and show wisdom in relation to the symbolic separation of children, although this is difficult and painful. It is important to let go, realizing that the time has come. It is important to give children a chance to become true adults, i.e. completely autonomous and financially independent. And this cannot be done without difficulties. For men, the main thing for the next period is the creation of their own living community and the beginning of a professional career. This is important in order to create a space where in the future he can invite a woman to build his own family. And this takes time. Women have slightly different tasks. Already at this stage of life, a woman faces a double task, which often leads her to internal conflict. On the one hand, it is important for her to devote herself to the continuation of the human race, and on the other hand, the rapidly changing world requires a woman to intensively participate in work in order to earn money and express herself in public life. This contradiction accompanies a modern woman all her life. Marriage for a woman is a very important initiation in life, helping her move from the status of a girl to another – the status of a married woman. A woman leaves her father's house and moves to her husband's house, taking on new social roles for herself - wife and daughter-in-law. Subsequently, the woman will have to go through another extremely important initiation, which leaves an imprint on the rest of her life - the birth of children. (But we’ll talk about this separately later...) Often marriage is a test of one’s own identity with the help of another person. In this case, they say that she didn’t get married, but jumped out... Such a step only makes it possible to separate from her parents, but not to become a true adult, since the husband takes on parental functions (economic and control) in this case. In the future, a woman’s identification through her husband threatens her with the loss of her own individuality. Status has to be acquired only through the achievements of her husband or the possession of things, which leads her to a deep internal crisis. For a long time, the only “correct” option for society was when a woman first got married, gave birth to children and, as an option, remained a housewife and mother all her life. But over time, such a position makes a woman unprepared for changes in life and vulnerable to “blows of fate”: economic dependence on her husband, lack of professional growth, and opportunities for self-realization outside the home lead to a feeling of emptiness in the sphere of achievements and, as a rule, to a decrease in self-esteem.B Nowadays, another development option for a woman is increasingly emerging, where she initially chooses a career and professional improvement. This gives her the opportunity to be financially independent, successful and confident in life, but lonely and childless. Both options by the age of thirty lead a woman to a new crisis - the essence of which is re-election. At this time, it is important for a woman to realize her capabilities, change her priorities and strive to create balance in life. A favorable transition through the crisis of the thirtieth birthday will be marked by the creation of “intimate relationships”, i.e. family and the woman’s career achievements. This is followed by a stable phase of life, in which children grow up and are born again, and professional achievements improve…. until the next transition. This is the stage of entering adulthood. At the end of the story, I was very opportunely reminded of one historical fact, which seems to me to be exactly on topic. S. Freud was once asked what an adult should be able to do