From the author: The article is taken from my website www.psifactor.rf What is more important - external beauty or inner peace? In the modern world there are no more fierce debates than disputes about fashion, style and how a person should look like. There are many contradictions in this issue, and all of them are visible, as they say, “with the naked eye.” On the one hand, there are beautiful storefronts, numerous fashion magazines, millions of websites dedicated to fashion and style, expensive luxury brands and billion-dollar income of clothing manufacturers. On the other hand, we see a faceless, gray mass of people on the streets, a collective worship of jeans, ugg boots and sportswear. form. In many countries, when choosing clothes, the majority of citizens are guided by the following slogans: “Simplify!”, “Good and so!”. The H&M store in Toronto, for example, has the following slogan: “Wear what you want, with what you want, if it makes you happy.” But it’s worth noting that the companies that sell us all these things that can be worn “however you want and with whatever you want,” the main focus in promoting their products is on the beauty and well-groomed appearance of the models, as well as on such combinations of colors and styles that can highlight this beauty in the best possible way. Why is this being done? The principle is simple: looking at a luxurious model in a wonderful dress, we involuntarily think: “If I buy this dress, I will be as beautiful as the woman who advertises it.” The entire marketing strategy is built on this logic. We want to be as beautiful and attractive as the beautiful girls from advertising. “What about sportswear, UGG boots and a hoodie?” - you ask. Yes, everything is the same. When we look at posters with advertising images of tall, slender models and see that their similar clothes “do not spoil them at all,” we unwittingly project the same image onto ourselves, using the incorrect logical conclusion “if it suits her, then it will look good on me too.” It seems to me that the principle “Good and so!”, so widespread in many parts of the Earth, also includes a logical conclusion: “the environment takes on my appearance.” But here an important question arises: who accepts? And where are they accepted? Mom, dad, immediate family? School girlfriends and friends? Colleagues, business partners? There is another idea, and it is also widespread these days. Its essence is this: “The main thing is not the shell, but what is contained inside.” For example, we say: “they meet you by their clothes, but they see you off by their intelligence.” The following thought is also in use: “The most important thing in a person is his rich inner world, and appearance is just a husk and should not be paid attention to.” On the one hand, you cannot argue with this statement. After all, any person understands that the main thing is not the wrapper, but the candy. The wrapper can be beautiful, bright and inviting. And the candy in this wrapper is tasteless and spoiled. But on the other hand - if the same candy is wrapped in different wrappers, for example, in a bright, beautiful, spectacular one, and in an old, wrinkled, faded one - which of the candies will you choose? Of course, it also happens that we see the best even when In this case, we choose the worst. But this is not due to taste preferences, but to complexes, negative attitudes and low self-esteem, expressed in the following beliefs: “I don’t deserve the best”, “modest people choose modest”, “this is too good for me”, “if I choose the best , what if I get punished?” and so on. But even in such cases, when choosing a wrinkled and faded candy, a person will look sideways at the bright and beautiful one. Why? Because beautiful packaging with its entire appearance promises us delicious contents. How can this example be transferred to the area of ​​human relations? Let’s imagine the following situation, which, by the way, is quite common. There lives a girl, smart, an excellent student, a Komsomol member. But not a beauty. And it’s not about natural data, but about the style of clothing, hairstyle, makeup, and grooming. Wears faded colors, baggy, shapeless clothes, often with pilling and puffs. There is no hairstyle - instead there is a mop of unwashed, greasy hair collected inbun. There is no makeup either - why? And such a girl wants to improve her personal life. What does her appearance say? Dark, faceless colors in combination with a shapeless cut are associated with sadness, melancholy, and invisibility. Puffs and spools - with sloppiness. Greasy hair and a lack of makeup hint at an indifferent attitude towards one’s femininity. What impression do we get as a result? A sad, melancholy, sloppy girl trying to be invisible, neglecting her femininity. How many men will want to get to know her better? And if they want, what kind of character will they have? What should a man be like to be attracted to a sad, dreary, sloppy, unfeminine girl? Or another example. A woman in a short tiger-print dress with a deep neckline. What impression does she make? “I'm not afraid to get naked and show more. I'm ready for close contact." The tiger design brings to mind a wild cat, which is ready to attack at any opportunity. What associations does such a woman evoke? Brave, accessible, aggressive, alluring. Who will she attract? Someone who strives, first of all, for sexual pleasure and entertainment. Is this good or bad? If a woman pursues the same goals, then that’s not bad at all. But what if she is looking for something else, such as a prestigious job or a meeting with a man who is committed to a long-term personal relationship? How likely is such a man to choose her - a woman whose entire appearance indicates frivolity and availability? Of course, an inconspicuous, faded girl can turn out to be a wonderful wife, mother and housewife, just like a woman in a provocative tiger-colored dress. But in order to understand this, you need to get to know the person better. This is possible in small, close-knit communities where the same people constantly communicate with each other, spend a lot of time together and see not only their appearance, but also their actions. But in large, big cities, where residents are constantly “wandering” - moving from one city to another, changing jobs, professions, partners, the chances of getting to know each other better are sharply reduced. That is why issues related to the impression we make on other people become so important. Because in such societies the formula “you will never have a second chance to make a first impression” works flawlessly. And if you remember the competition that unfolds among residents of large cities for a job, a suitable partner or partner, and even for a rented apartment, the problem of self-presentation becomes especially acute. In this struggle, our appearance, clothing, hairstyle, manners turn into the same tools for promoting and achieving our goals in society, like intelligence, talent, professional skills and personal qualities, and, therefore, they require such and attentive attitude towards yourself. Unfortunately, not everyone and does not always realize or accept this fact, and there are several reasons for this. Why do we ignore the importance of our appearance? 1. As mentioned above, in small communities, appearance is not a determining factor in starting a relationship. For example, in their own family, small town, village, people judge each other not by how they look (most often, everyone looks almost the same), but by their actions and behavior. Therefore, people who grew up in such a cultural environment are often taken aback and shocked by the “special” attitude towards them from colleagues from a new job in a big city.2. For many people, the issue of appearance, external inconsistency, is extremely painful, since they consciously or unconsciously equate rejection based on external signs and rejection of themselves as an individual. This causes a lot of defensive reactions in the psyche, such as denial of the problem, anger, aggression, repression.3. Without being aware of our own reactions to other people, and, therefore, not understanding what exactly caused them, we also do not understand what kind of