Increasingly, clients began to contact me with the topic of loss, bereavement. Some have a fresh trauma, while others have not experienced the loss of a loved one, which happened many years ago. I consider it my duty to talk about this with you. The mechanism of living with grief in classical approaches consists of 5 phases: Shock (denial) Anger (guilt) Bargaining (maybe it can still be returned?) Depression (living with pain) Acceptance The grief process is complex, like the personality of an individual. There are actually more than five stages in it. On average, a person goes through all stages of grief in 1–1.5 years. But the path may be bumpy. The griever can skip stages, go back, go in his own order and pace. For example, sometimes there may not be a stage of denial or anger, or its own individual process may begin. Let's consider methods of self-help in 2 cases: A loved one died recently (up to a year). Firstly, it is important to hold a funeral. They are needed not for the deceased, but for you, so that the psyche can make sure and make a note of the fact that the person no longer exists. Otherwise, the brain will perceive the deceased as alive, and then the grieving process can drag on for a long time, since the person will be perceived by consciousness as alive. This often happens when children and teenagers are not taken to a funeral. Secondly, it is important to Speak! Speak! And talk about your pain again! Don’t shut yourself down, don’t encourage yourself (I have to hold on, I’m fine), don’t be ashamed (what will people think if I whine and cry all the time). When this happens, you need to admit it The fact is that you are now in the stage of grief, and no one and nothing should stop you from living through it. You have every right to experience grief the way you want! YOU CAN and even need to: - cry - talk about your feelings, experiences and pain to friends and family - complain about life, about the deceased, about doctors, how bad it is, how unfair it is, etc. .-ask for support - contact a psychologist for help And there is a very important point here! If you do all this alone with yourself, then nothing will come of it, and there is a risk of getting stuck in one of the stages. Suffering alone is the worst thing you can do in life such a situation. Our psyche works in such a way that experiencing grief (and any trauma in general) occurs only at the moment when there is another person nearby, when you share your feelings with him, receive support, and become not alone in your grief. That’s why I always say : “If you don’t have someone who is willing to listen, or you are afraid of causing inconvenience to others, then the best solution would be to go to a psychologist who will listen, support and share your feelings. Precisely so that the process of living begins!” The truth here is that without this experience of loss or grief, we will never move on. Pain wants to be felt! You can try to ignore it for a while (go to work, try to drown out the suffering with alcohol, promiscuous sex, etc.), but sooner or later it will still find a way out. Moreover, how can we immediately return to how we lived before the death of a person, if the person is no longer there, and therefore the significant part of our life that he occupied is no longer there? My recommendations also apply to other types of losses (a house burned down, an expensive item was stolen, a forced move, separation from a loved one, etc.) Yes, at these moments one also experiences loss and grief sets in. How can one not turn into a complainer? Well, of course, track your internal state and the process itself. Crying for a day and pulling yourself together is definitely NOT enough. If you notice that for several years you are still complaining about everything and everyone, you are suffering and cannot let go, you should seek help help from a specialist 2. More than 1.5 years have passed since the loss. Here, of course, you need to understand what stage of grief you are at. Since your therapy and my recommendations will depend on this. Often clients come to me who do not even realize that grief has not been lived through. For example, I’m fantasizing now, a woman at the age of 7-8 years old died a loved one (grandmother, grandfather, beloved.