The family is called upon to support the well-being of its members and society. Does this always happen? In relation to a family, we can say: the whole is more important than one part and any change in a part leads to a change in the whole. In a family, everything is interconnected, the family is a single whole. When the family approaches any request, the specialist will take into account how this issue is connected with all other aspects of life. Since a change in one part is reflected in changes in other parts and the system as a whole. If something affects the family as a whole (the birth of children, illness, emotional instability, alcoholism, the departure of one member from the family, an addition to the family, a crisis, a crisis of one of the family members), then it affects everyone within the system. A family that maintains homeostasis ( lack of change), is afraid of change due to the fact that they associate it with a sharp collapse, and behind this lies a reluctance to let in the new. Meanwhile, changes need to break through, but for some reason they never happen. For example, the mother (grandmother) in the family is a powerful woman, controlling, and at the same time broadcasting: “I am everything for you... A sacrificial position.” I propose to look at what is behind this - the desire to continue to influence everyone through control. Wishing everyone well and happiness, he may blurt out: “Well, what’s not working out for you...” Oddly enough, for some reason family members find it difficult to live their lives, they seem to need endless salvation, not realizing that they are being disabled on an unconscious level. After all, being successful is dangerous (for the mother it may be unprofitable), and for a child it is scary to lose the love of a parent. And then it is important for the mother to save all family members. After all, this is the only way she can feel significant and needed, but of course she has no awareness of this. And then the difficulty of separation will be in adult children. Realization and success are also unlikely, because a person’s situations are created in such a way that he needs a Significant Other. Here, of course, we are talking about not learning to take responsibility for one’s life. In such cases, the myth “we are a friendly family” clearly conveys the impossibility of getting along without each other in difficult situations, while others seem to not exist. A way out of such situations is possible through working with a family psychologist. It is important for a person to realize his own separateness, to differentiate and find his own self-worth, to work with both separation and self-esteem. The destructive effect of such separations is, of course, great. Because the entire family structure is changing. When choosing between the absence of changes and their presence, choosing absence, you will agree, is stupid. Lack of change equals lack of development. The presence of changes is a chance, there will be development. Surely many intuitively feel that the absence of changes means stagnation. The signal may be a feeling of boredom. It’s good if you feel bored and regard it as an important signal and start new actions. If we start to get bored and don’t change anything, then development stops. It is enough to change something for development to start; by continuing to make changes, development will inevitably begin to occur. It is necessary to understand that at every moment of his life a person can change at least something. To do this, you need to learn to hear yourself, understand yourself. Emotions can trigger feelings, feelings, thoughts and we get something out of it. Based on the results of one change, you can determine which change to make next. And so on ad infinitum. We remember that in a family system where there is a tendency to merge, the anxiety of annihilation arises, then alienation occurs, then again the cycle of merger and everything in a circle. Where there is fear of intimacy, a person does not understand what partnership is. Accordingly, difficulties in building relationships are guaranteed. Therefore, a family psychologist, psychologist or psychoanalyst plays a big role in changing one person, since the whole is more important than one part and any change in a part leads to a change in the whole. Sincerely, family psychologist - Yana Tyshchuk. Sign up for an individual / couples or family consultation +79204545883