How to create support for yourself. It’s nice to receive support from the surrounding space, from people closer, less close and even from very distant ones. Sometimes the support of even strangers can make a very big difference. It happens that it is necessary. We especially need a lot of support when it comes to difficult moments in life, dealing with difficult topics, starting something new, or changes in life that were planned or occurred against our will. There are topics that require a lot of support. For example, dealing with mental trauma, loss of loved ones, loss of health or body parts, aging, loss of beauty, change in physical condition, moving to a new place or, especially, to another country. Getting rid of addictions, working with excess weight. The list could go on for a long time. I just want to talk about what that support might look like for us. And what can we do for ourselves so that it is truly support. Let me start with the fact that in such moments, as a rule, they support us, they want to support us. There are a certain number of people who do not remain indifferent to us. They strive to support us, and they do it as they understand. But on the part of the person being supported, this may not always be perceived as support. Or it may even feel like an additional burden, or like pressure. Well, for example, when they tell us: “Get yourself together, don’t cry!” Or “Be strong, go and prove it!” Or “If I were you, I would show them all!” Or like this: “Why are you so upset? Go and do it!” Also, “You haven’t seen grief, this is not grief yet!” They can also add the following statements: “It’s your own fault, you shouldn’t have...” “If only there was someone to grieve for!” And the like. This may not help at all, but may be perceived as an assessment, a hint on how to live, and even as a wounding invasion. And probably many people remember episodes when they tried to support them. And in response, thoughts arose in my head: “Well, that’s not all! This is not the kind of support I want!” But we didn't say this out loud. Not decent. The man is trying. And I don’t even want to quarrel with a supportive person in a difficult moment. I will not now analyze cases when, under the guise of supporting a person, they “bury” even more, manipulate and take advantage of the opportunity to get some kind of benefit in difficult moments. Here we will talk about cases when someone really wants to support, acts out of the kindness of their hearts, but does not know what you need. How can we help ourselves and those who want to help us, make support truly support? Let's look point by point: First, you can ask for support and give formulas for what you need to say or do in a specific case. For example: “When I do this, tell me this. And hug me” or “When I start crying, don’t tell me anything, just hug me and stay with me.” Or “Now I would like to hear these words - ....” Etc. Secondly, you can agree on one-sided or two-sided support. What I mean? One-way is when you are provided with support only at your request. Asked - they supported; didn’t ask - they didn’t support. This will protect you from sudden support, which may be perceived as an invasion of personal space. The next form is two-way support. You want to be supported when you reach out, and also the other party can initiate support when they see that you need it. And here, too, you can discuss what you would like them to do or say at such a moment. Third, you can give a technical task to someone who wants to support. This is similar to formulas, only it can also include semantic or other tasks. For example: “If I start to slack in this matter (specify how this will manifest itself), you give me a signal, cough, scratch behind your ear, etc.” "If I want to eat again at midnight, remind me of my words..." Or "Praise me every day for a week for all my attempts to do..." And this is technical.