I'm not a robot

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I'm not a robot

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From the author: First published in the newspaper "City News" on March 8, 2009 I don’t know what it means to be a man - it’s not given to me. I wonder how they feel? But I know what it means to be a woman, and it doesn’t matter how you feel about it. Being a woman means burning with shame when your boyfriend yells at you, and people pass by and hear his abuse and see your shame. It’s very feminine to think at the same time: “He’s actually good, he’s just tired. And it’s my own fault”... And dream that someday, after another of his bad moods, you will be able to tell him: “You bastard, get out of my life!” In the meantime, you are trying your best to become “the best”, so as not to leave. Because loneliness is worse than shame. And you marry him, give birth to children, wait for his return - with fear and hope: “Well, maybe everything will be fine today”... To be a woman is to let a man into your life who bears little resemblance to a prince, to expect that he will change, but in the meantime, take on your shoulders earning money for a living, raising children, parent-teacher meetings in kindergarten, then at school... Being a woman means thinking about how to feed your family today, how to have time to check your lessons, find out about , where are the sales and discounts...Bring yourself to a complete breakdown and, on the advice of a friend, trembling with fear and humiliation, come for a consultation with a psychotherapist. Tell him about her life, in which she is “a horse and a bull, a woman and a man”... and secretly hope for sympathy. And in response, hear the question: “Why did you take all this on yourself? For what?" And, finally, to understand that she is not at all obligated to solve other people's problems, that she can only do what she can and wants, and not what someone expects from her... She called a few days ago: - You are a witch ?!- What happened?- I fell in love! He is extraordinary! How did this happen? And two weeks earlier she talked about a painful divorce, dividing up what she had acquired and that she couldn’t be happy alone. Being a woman means sharing your life with your loved ones: a man, children, work, girlfriends. Think about them, try to “be better.” Being a woman means constantly worrying about your own people, a willingness to help, save, support. And feed tasty food. It doesn’t matter that there is no longer a need to look for a way to the heart (he has already given you his hand and heart), but you must certainly feed. And at the same time, stand in the doorway of the kitchen and look at your loved ones who are eating the dishes you have prepared. To be a woman is to dream about a prince on a white horse, about a wonderful castle, once again changing your daughter’s onesies. To be a woman is to be embarrassed, seeing how your a teenage son hides his eyes when there is an advertisement about various women's things. To be a woman is to feel with secret delight, anxiety and doom the emergence of a new life within yourself. And if it’s sudden, unexpected, then it’s painful to think about what to do, should I give a chance for birth and at the same time give up my chances? And no matter what a man says, he is not given the opportunity to understand what is happening in the soul of his woman when she decides this. Being a woman means walking half a step behind, but at the same time being always ahead. To be a woman is to get to know the man with whom you have decided to unite your destiny: to recognize his thoughts, to foresee his actions, to see common dreams. Decide to become the only one, while respecting his freedom. And, taking advantage of your freedom, always remember that he believes you. And it doesn’t matter whether he knows or not about where you are and with whom - you know about it. To be a woman is to be a daughter, mother, wife, grandmother, girlfriend, friend. This means chatting with a friend about everything: a little about politics, about prices, about TV series, and enthusiastically about another friend. To be a woman means to sincerely worry about your friend, to suffer from your helplessness and to be angry with her for not wanting to change her life. And at the same time love her and enjoy meeting her and miss her when you don’t see her for a long time. Being a woman means waiting for March 8th with its gifts and flowers. Accept congratulations and compliments, rejoice and believe that you are special.

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