Love... There is so much in this sound... Well, oh well. Interestingly, the popularity that this concept has gained in the mass consciousness has not done it any favors. At least, it’s impossible to say for sure that she did. They make films about love, write songs and books. For many people, especially young people, a movie or a book is of no interest if it does not at least indirectly mention a love affair. As the famous song says, love is all around. There is just one small problem - due to the frequent (and one-sided) use of this word, a significant part of the meanings included in the concept of love are simply erased or, in extreme cases, “darkened”, while other meanings are introduced, emphasized, brought to the fore. This is easy to see, for example, if you ask what love is, for example, from an eleventh-grader girl, or from a boy of nineteen or twenty years old. In general, a person who has already lost the childish spontaneity of expressing his thoughts and at the same time is well versed in modern culture with all its cliches. A completely predictable answer is something like “This is when the heart beats very, very strongly, and sometimes makes you feel hot, sometimes cold, and you also want to sing and dance all the time” (based on the famous Russian cartoon). And it turns out that very many very young people (and not even very young, but simply young, just entering the so-called marriageable age) everywhere confuse the above-described infatuation with love. But in vain. Falling in love happens, that's a fact. This is a condition accompanied and largely caused by certain hormonal processes occurring in the body. Then there is a feeling of flight, euphoria, intense sexual desire and absolute concentration on one person. Then you have enough strength and inspiration for everything, and you can sleep 4 hours a day, or even not sleep at all, just to spend as much time as possible next to your lover... However, the body cannot maintain the production of hormones at this level and in exactly this proportion constantly (we emphasize that if it cannot constantly, this does not mean that it cannot periodically; we will return to discussing this issue later). This means that the state of falling in love arises - and inevitably passes after several weeks or months (that’s right, it is impossible to “stretch it out” even for a year for the above reason). So what's the result? “I love him!.. Oh... I stopped loving him!” And then a thirty-year-old woman, whose second marriage is already on the verge of destruction, laments: “When we first met, I saw him, and it was as if butterflies were fluttering in my stomach... But now they stopped. And it’s the same with my first husband.” And for some reason these unfortunate butterflies are considered as a sufficient reason for the family to cease to exist. What next? Every time “butterflies in the stomach” appear - get married, and every time they “fly away” - divorce? So, maybe, after all, to hell with them, with butterflies? It’s somehow calmer without them... Many people, by the way, live like this - they simply forbid themselves to feel in love for the sake of a stable relationship. True, there is another option. And some couples manage to truly masterfully bring it to life. Who said you can't fall in love with the same person multiple times? Or maybe no one said it, it’s just common to think that this is impossible... Nevertheless, it is a fact: in many happy couples who have lived together for a long time, love breaks out between the spouses from time to time. Then it weakens, and then flares up again. How do they do this? Surely every couple has their own secrets, but there is also something in common: a warm, trusting relationship, constant personal growth of both partners and the ability to deal with conflict situations. We ask you to pay special attention to this point: the fact is that often the main obstacle to falling in love with a once established couple is a heap of accumulated claims against each other. These claims can be conscious or unconscious, expressed andunspoken out loud, and the essence boils down to the fact that “I cannot live happily until you...”. As you understand, it doesn’t matter at all what exactly follows in place of the ellipsis. The point is that one person transfers responsibility for his happiness or unhappiness, well-being or ill-being, bad or good mood, in the end, to another. And as you understand, this is an absolutely losing position. Firstly, because this responsibility belongs initially and always only to one person - Himself. Those. No matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to transfer it to someone else. If you don’t carry it yourself, well, we can assume that it lies unclaimed somewhere in the reserves... (and your own happiness is somewhere there). Secondly, a person who feels similar pressure from another is naturally indignant: what is happening? Don't want! I can not! And the truth is, it can’t... And this creates tension in the relationship, and it bears very, very unpleasant fruits. So, falling in love seems to be clear, but what about love? We will not delve into philosophical reflection here to find out what this feeling is in its entirety. Let us emphasize only one aspect of it, which often escapes the eye. We propose to consider love in a family, first of all, as the unconditional acceptance by one person of another - in the fullness of his qualities, abilities, and manifestations. As they say, just the way it is. I see you. I feel and hear you. I love you. I accept you. What does it mean - I accept? The answer is very easy to find by contradiction. Not accepting means striving to remake it in accordance with some of your expectations, wishes, etc. And this happens: people claim that they love each other, but in reality they spend a lot of time and effort trying to re-educate each other. Naturally, without success. Success can be local, i.e. theoretically, you can get the husband to stop walking on the carpet with his shoes on, and the wife to start drying the dishes instead of just putting them out to dry. For the sake of clarity of explanation, we are now talking about some moments in behavior, but if there is a desire to “remake” a partner, it is in no way limited to behavior, right? It extends to his or her qualities (if he were bolder, more polite, smarter , softer or, conversely, stricter), beliefs, status and goals. In such a situation, partners seem to say to each other like this: I love you, this is what I like about you, but this is not what I like, so... change! By the way, this is a common thing in the cultural consciousness. For some reason, this “chain” is considered logical and natural. And when it comes to parent-child relationships, in particular, about raising children, here, as they say, “put out the lights”: this desire to somehow remake a person in accordance with what he “should” be, unfolds throughout its dubious beauty. And here it makes sense to raise the question of authenticity, compliance with oneself. We will return to this topic throughout our conversation with the reader. Of course, it is human nature to develop - this is the ability inherent in him by nature. However, who said that a husband or wife, or indeed anyone from the outside, can direct this development? And in general, to tell the truth, development, in principle, can only be exclusively authentic, on the path of revealing one’s individuality. Individuality is an individuality, to distinguish one person from another (and also from the possible ideas of this other). Unfortunately, many of us, even in childhood, lose the sense of our authenticity - under the influence of “traditional methods” of upbringing. We were praised for some things, and punished for others, and it didn’t matter what forms the punishment took. And we, for some reason, not having the confidence that we are loved unconditionally, absolutely and always, under any circumstances, “even if...”, came to a simple and obvious conclusion. How to understand whether they love us or not? You need to feel it. The easiest way to feel this is when we are praised: they smile at us, stroke us