A man speaks through his actions. No man will live with a woman who really does not suit him, even if in words he says the opposite. If a man doesn’t leave, it means there is some secondary benefit to not leaving. Something suits him in this “unsatisfactory” situation. Not a single employer in the conditions of our “animal capitalism” will “keep” at work an employee who is not suitable for the given position. Why or for what reason do some people end up in stories when they For years they have been talking about how they are not happy, but they don’t fire or split up? Those who have not been fired or divorced begin to prove in every possible way that they are “pretty” and “suitable”: they try their best, but no matter what they do and no matter how hard they try, things are still there. It’s still bad and not the same. At best, not good enough, or: everything is good, but there are a few nuances... And so on, into thick and wide rye, into gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological violence and social parasitism, the main task of which is to make a person suffer and doubt the adequacy of your perception.. So: one of the drivers of personal adaptation is the driver “don’t be yourself, please others.” By the age of 1-1.5 years, the child develops an adaptation to survive with cold, indifferent, busy parents and/or a violation of security; the child unconsciously decides (develops tactics) to step back, take care of himself on his own and not create problems for others. Such people are often passive, withdrawn, live in their own world, are hypersensitive, avoid intimacy, sometimes replace intimacy with sex, and invest energy in passivity. Thus, a girl or a man does not just find himself in a situation where they are convinced that they are “not suitable”, and they prove and deserve, do not leave or end such a relationship. Their subconscious goal is to earn praise and finally meet constantly changing requirements. I will give an example of an attempt at gaslighting at work. A girl was employed in a small company with up to 50 employees in an administrative position. Once a month, before her salary, her boss called her and talked about how poorly the girl worked. She put forward new demands and pointed out mistakes and mistakes. When the girl reported that she was still on a probationary period and did not sign the job description, and they also did not discuss with her what they were reproached for, she received the following answer: “In order for you to be given a permanent job according to the work book with the signing of the job description, you have to deserve it.” The girl turned out to be not a timid person, and after three months of “listening” during the next thrashing and presentation of “mistakes” in her work, she said that she was probably not suitable for this company, since she works so poorly, and since she not even formalized, it will leave right now. The boss was shocked, because everything suited her. This is an example of how the girl acted in this case. Do you know of cases when people endure and deserve for years, listen to criticism, leave silently, bowing their heads, to the workplace, continue to deserve, but cannot deserve? How “oppressors” behave in such dispositions, using the example of personal relationships: Deny the obvious: I didn’t say that, you misunderstood. /Direct gaslighting, making you doubt your own adequacy. You try, and I’ll see: You don’t suit me, neither as a woman, nor as a housewife and mother. I deserve a woman much better than you. Punish yourself: Think about what’s wrong, maybe you’ll understand that it’s time to apologize / A way to plunge your partner into a state of deep anxiety and self-flagellation Do the impossible: If only you could... / create a feeling of your own insignificance, devaluation Worse than others: Look at Masha- Dasha-Galya-my Martian mother-sister and myself. I would like to note that such behavior is often not intentional, but compensatory characteristic of the oppressive partner. Those. This is how he compensates for his inner feeling of insignificance, unconsciously. Not valid