The desire to be independent in children is inherent at the genetic level. It begins to manifest itself especially clearly at the age of 3-5 years. This is a period of childhood negativism, when the child tries to assert himself through the phrases “I myself!” and protests, which are more often perceived by adults as childish whims. At the same age, the child tries to help adults in their household chores. And if you do not suppress this desire, but patiently guide it, then soon you will receive the fruits of your patiently wise campaign in the form of cooperation. Why do upset parents of teenagers come to see a psychologist or psychotherapist: “He doesn’t want to do anything. He doesn’t sit down for his homework, doesn’t help around the house, doesn’t even wash his own plate.” When analyzing the current situation, it turns out that parents at the preschool stage suppressed the child’s desire to be independent, useful for the family and enjoy it, because they believed that he was small and too early for him. As a result, learned helplessness was formed. The child has a feeling that household chores are complex, difficult, beyond his ability or will require great effort on his part. Just at the thought of cleaning, washing dishes or the floor, an internal protest arises. And even if a child does these things under the coercion of adults: “You must help mom!”, he does not enjoy either the process or the result. The desire to help loved ones, which manifested itself in preschool age, was lost. They simply didn’t fix it, thinking that it wasn’t time, what would happen later, and an important moment in the baby’s growing up was missed. This often happens with overprotection, when the child is considered small for a long time. Sometimes mothers have a deep, unconscious desire for the child not to grow up, because he is so cute and obedient when he’s little. And it’s so nice to put on a coat, a hat, and fasten buttons for my youngest, ten-year-old daughter. Although, if you remember, the eldest son was already dressing himself at the age of three. And my mother turned to a psychotherapist because the girl was insecure, shy, withdrawn, and was not friends with anyone in the class. Of course, we eliminated this problem in six meetings, because the girl turned out to be smart and she really wanted positive changes. Mom also realized her mistakes. Another option when mothers prevent their child from growing up is fear. Now he is nearby, everything is calm, but if he grows, who knows what will happen? Sometimes, behind this there is a hidden fear of adolescence, which all parents have heard about as difficult, protest, rebellious. So they create infantilism and learned helplessness, not allowing you to leave the yard, come home after light, and make friends only with those with whom you are allowed. It’s calmer for mothers, but the child is squeezed into the strict framework of family rules and cannot explore new spaces as they grow and age-related needs. In the preschool period, some mothers simply do not want to bother with the baby, thinking: “I’ll do it faster. He will spread mud and puddles here.” And they do not encourage the desire to help. And sometimes they voice: “You don’t know how. You will do poorly.” - and they build in negative programs of “badness” and “incompetence.” And in adolescence they also reinforce this with negative phrases: “You are lazy! Quirk! Beloruchka! Slob!" Words spoken in anger fall deeply to the subconscious level, and the child’s behavior adapts to them. The teenager would like to change, but he himself does not understand why protest reactions are triggered, and he does not want to clean up after himself or help his mother, but begins to grumble and make reservations or silently leaves. What can you do to prevent this from happening to your child? Encourage your child to be independent according to his age. Dose loads. So that there is no fatigue. Be patient and, if necessary, help him. Remember that when learning new things, a child does it slower than you. Praise for help, perseverance,.