Shock. This couldn't happen to me! Divorce, illness, loss of loved ones, dismissal, betrayal, slander, bankruptcy, road accident, etc. All this, bursting into everyday life, deafens and divides life into “before” and “after”. Disappointment. I did everything right! For what? If you dig well and deeply (and we know how to do this), then an impressive saga will emerge about what was done wrong and when. The strength of the hindsight, coupled with a tough Superego, will launch a punitive machine of derogatory self-accusations. So what's the result? At best, you will find yourself in a psychotherapist's office, piece by piece, into something more or less suitable for life. At worst, there are a lot of gloomy outcomes? Why is this? I believe in a multiplicity of reasons, so what I will write about below is just one of the options. In many of us, at the level of forming a worldview, the attitude is built into us: “do it normally, it will be fine,” - as a kind of guarantee of security and contentment. - Be a good child, please your parents and then you will receive care, attention and love. All subsequent structures (kindergarten, school, college, institute, army and work) are designed with their public rules to affirm us in the belief “if I do well, then it will be good, If I break the rules, there will be punishment.” And it would seem fair, if not for two “buts”: in addition to the spoken rules, there are unspoken ones. They manifest themselves already at the family level: even if you’re on a roll, work, study and all that, but the younger one is loved and pampered much more (for example). We tend to pull what regulates relationships within a private structure onto the globe: “If I’m good , then all troubles and troubles will pass me by.” And we perceive any disaster as a punishment from above. For example, If I devote myself to work 101%, I will someday be promoted and never fired. But at some point it turns out that life is chaos and injustice. You are fired, laid off, and a promotion is given to an outright lazy and mediocrity, because... Yes, internal rules and regulations are needed. They give support in life. But they need to be regularly compared with reality and revised towards greater flexibility. For example, It is important for me to do a great job, be in good standing with my superiors, and achieve growth in salary and position. However, anything can happen, and I can accept and survive it. I have the main thing for this: myself and time. But there is hope. You can finish anything with gold medals and honors diplomas. Submit reports on time. Don't cheat on your wife. Don't betray your friends. Respect elders. Brush your teeth twice a day. But to find yourself on the sidelines alone, with so-so health. Life is unpredictable, despite the fact that we do our best to create and strengthen the illusion of predictability, justice and security. There are no rules, the implementation of which gives absolute guarantees for anything. The destruction of illusory agreements with the world is traumatic. We hold on to them to the last, preferring to look for reasons within ourselves, instead of accepting that life goes on as it goes on regardless of the fantasies rooted in our mental reality. And, on the one hand, this is frightening, but on the other hand, with skillful handling , makes you more free. Understanding that despite our correctness and goodness, anything can happen, we can avoid the temptation to become a hostage to relationships, work, ideology, in general, everything that sells and guarantees a false sense of security, justice and contentment. And then you can much more often make a choice in favor of your own interests and the interests of those who are really dear to you, and not because it is necessary and right. Search within yourself. Thinking hard, you can discover a swarm of internal agreements with the world in which we believe, as an unshakable part of reality, but they are no more than our hallucination “on the topic”. To illustrate: “If I rejoice, I will invite disaster.” “If I show someone that I like him, he will stop respecting me and/or take it for weakness and humiliate me. I'll pretend I don't care and then save it/