From the author: The main condition for success in life, achieving desired goals and results is an optimal internal state, a state of internal self-confidence. This is especially true for men. How to develop confidence is described in my article. A man’s happiness lies in his ability to realize himself in life, to reveal his potential through achieving his goals, to create something important, valuable, and interesting. A marker of “involvement” and the main condition for using this ability is a man’s state of confidence in himself and his abilities. Or, as they also like to say, the presence of a solid “inner core.” Self-confidence is a necessary condition in order to achieve success in various areas of life. Not only in business, but also in relationships, in various kinds of communications, in self-development. We can say that it is the internal state that in itself generates success in life. Therefore, it is extremely important for a man to develop self-confidence if he wants to claim at least something in this life. Confidence and imitation of confidence In order to discuss any issue/topic, it is important, first of all, to have a clear understanding of it. Misunderstanding or unclear understanding of what “a man’s self-confidence” is in reality gives rise to illusions, myths, lies to oneself, which only worsens the situation. An insecure man believes that, in fact, everything is fine with him, he mixes up the problem and any clashes with reality, where his insecurity is “exposed,” and is inclined to explain it with anything other than the fact of his own insecurity. In my opinion, confidence in self is a psychological property of a person, the foundation of which is an adequate assessment of one’s capabilities, abilities and competencies, which gives the individual a clear understanding of what he can change in life, and what he can only come to terms with. For example, a man can be confident that he will swim across the ocean (Alain Bombard) because he has the necessary information and skills to survive (fishing, desalinizing water, steering a raft, etc.). But regarding changing people’s views on the issue of rescue at sea, he may no longer have such confidence. Because too much needs to be changed in these very people. Another characteristic of confidence is a man’s deep personal conviction in his right to live and act as he sees fit. This can also be called “internal sovereignty”, when you have only one king - yourself. With internal sovereignty, a man does not pay attention to condemnation and evaluation from insignificant and even significant characters, but simply does what he considers important for himself, makes decisions, the correctness of which he has no doubt. The opposite of true self-confidence is pride, self-confidence, pretense arrogance, cheap show-off, snobbery, impudence, impudent swagger and so on in the same spirit. They are all based on deep and vile lies to oneself about oneself. Such a person is simply afraid to reveal to himself the cruel and unpleasant truth about who he really is. And so as not to see this truth himself and not allow others to see it, he imitates confidence through self-affirmation with the help of various “attributes” (clothing, status, material objects) or humiliation of the weaker. The consequences of such a life position always lead to disastrous results. Because “no matter how much the rope twists, it will still end.” A form that is deprived of support in the face of internal content, sooner or later, cracks and the inner essence of a pseudo-confident person falls out. After which he immediately begins to be beaten (both figuratively and literally) by all those who previously hypocritically and even sincerely admired him. Therefore, there is no need to lie to yourself and chase form. This is bad. You need to work on the content. It takes longer and is harder, but the result is reliable. A true source of confidenceBase,The foundation of deep inner self-confidence is the ability to bear (carry out, realize) responsibility. First of all, for yourself and your own life. Actually, a man who is unable (who has lost, wasted this ability for some reason) to take responsibility for himself, his words, actions and decisions will never be able to feel truly confident. Instead of confidence, he can only demonstrate surrogates and “attributes” of confidence. He can, through an effort of will, behave calmly and at ease, but an experienced eye will clearly see all the gigantic internal tension that he is experiencing at this moment. The ability to exercise responsibility dramatically changes the attitude towards failures. Now they are perceived not as something tragic and dramatic, but simply as mistakes made as a result of an inadequate perception of reality, unjustified hopes, illusions, etc. In this situation, mistakes can be identified (doing this on your own is not always easy, but you can always get help professional), recognize and eliminate. And based on a clearer and more adequate perception of reality, take the right actions that will lead to the desired result. If it is important for you to build a relationship with a woman, then you should know that in a man a woman values, first of all, his ability to bear responsibility for her. To be responsible for a woman is to make decisions for her that would satisfy her and bring various material and non-material bonuses (“confidence in the future,” a feeling of stability and security “like behind a stone wall”). Then the woman feels serene and happy. The degree of self-confidence is actively influenced by unconscious ideas and attitudes, one way or another justifying the release of responsibility. It makes no sense to list them all, since they manifest themselves individually for everyone and their number can be quite large. All these attitudes are united by the following feelings - guilt, resentment, hope, shame, self-pity, blaming others. By acutely experiencing or drowning out, driving deep into the unconscious, these feelings (which, in fact, are only symptoms of the problem) make it impossible to experience true self-confidence. Only its imitation. Therefore, having “caught yourself by the hand” in the dramatization of these feelings, you should begin to work through them in order to get to the bottom of the original source. On your own or with the help of a professional. How to quickly increase self-confidence Operational, tactical confidence depends on the level of a hormone called testosterone (also called the “winner hormone”). The higher a person’s testosterone level, the more calm, emotionally stable (not influenced by “internal dialogue”), decisive, persistent, sexual, etc. If you need to quickly increase confidence so as not to “crap” in some situations, then increasing testosterone is the best solution. Testosterone levels are affected by participation in power confrontations, personal victories (even in ordinary competitions), since this sets the body up for fight and expansion This is what testosterone is actually produced for. In addition, strength exercises are also useful, since they stabilize innervation, and with it hormonal levels, eating oatmeal, which binds globulin, which blocks the natural production of testosterone, foods rich in zinc and magnesium, healthy fats, avoiding beer and alcohol in general , since they reduce the production of testosterone by 50%. Anti-stress therapy (for example, using tools from the course “How to overcome stress”) has a great positive effect both on the body as a whole and on the production of testosterone, since it is released into the body during stress the hormone cortisol suppresses the secretion of testosterone. But if you quickly “stop” the release of cortisol, the body will be healthier and there will be more testosterone. However, you should not get carried away with testosterone alone. The mere increase in “operational confidence” through increased!