From the author: Published for the first time Start here https://www.b17.ru/article/7039/ There can be a lot of examples, and everyone has them again As for your own, the main thing is to think about who “benefits” from my self-sabotage when I don’t do important things on time and what I can get if I still use internal motivation. To do this, sometimes it is enough to make a list of things that are not done on time. Delegate some of them to others; perhaps they will be happy to help you if you ask nicely. For the remaining tasks, you can write “essays” like I did (see above). It’s not bad if these things are done one for the other and all for our benefit. For example: I have a need for rest (just a change of activity and a free schedule will do); It would also be nice to fix the car (that means you need money); I would like to communicate with children more often (this means I need time); I would also like to develop professionally, this also includes personal growth and efficiency (invested time = pleasure from work + money for development and a happy, harmonious life). There are so many desires, how to fit it all into 24 hours a day. Let's look at the situation as a whole: - for development, I need my own website - I can talk to my son, he will be happy to help me create it (again, it will be beneficial for him - he will understand how to do it - subsequently, he will be able to make money from website building, etc. - we communicate all the time); - in the meantime (while he is working on the technical side of creating the site) I write articles and work on creating my own exclusive training. All this, subsequently, will bring me a lot of grateful clients, and therefore money, which in turn can be used to repair the car and plan training somewhere “on the seas” (advance payment for renting premises for training and accommodation, etc. and etc. also require investments). - conducting an on-site training will allow me to change the environment, meet a lot of new interesting people, get an emotional charge from a job well done and, in the end, I will be able to take my children with me and it will be a joint journey , and also an example for them (children) of how to work. I'm not even talking about the fact that professional and personal growth is guaranteed to me, “by default,” because you can’t do this kind of work and get nothing. This is internal motivation, for some it is well developed, because they were raised by parents who thought about what is best brought up by personal example and a respectful attitude towards themselves and their child. And these parents also taught the child to understand and “voice” his needs, of course, with respect for others. Raising your children this way is a whole art and you need to learn this, try, perhaps, and “get yourself into trouble”, be able to ask for petitions from your children and learn again... Not everyone is lucky enough to have such parents. Many were brought up by endlessly pushing, forcing, comparing with others - come on quickly, you didn’t eat the porridge again (didn’t do your homework, didn’t clean the house, didn’t say hello to Aunt Masha), but Aunt Masha’s son is an excellent student, he cleans the house, he’s very friendly etc. (“write in your own”). These are examples of external motivation - if you don’t do it, they will push you, scold you, compare you with others, and the comparison will not be in your favor. Of course, all these actions of the parent cause aggression in the child, and since such a parent is unlikely to teach his child to express his anger correctly, the child becomes passive-aggressive. What it is? And this is exactly what we talked about at the beginning - internal resistance and anger - they force you because!.. Then when I see that my mother is about to come home and will swear (fight, etc. - “put yours up”) , I do everything quickly and quickly so as not to “get it.” :) A/7070/