As already mentioned in the previous article, the basic conflict of a borderline personality is the need for the closeness of another and the fear of “absorption” at the same time, which forces them to play the eternal game of “closer-further”. The conflict also lies in the fact that the phase of the need for closeness of one partner can often conflict with the desire of the other partner to temporarily distance themselves as a way to designate personal space and boundaries. This behavior is perceived by those in need of intimacy as rejection, exacerbating misunderstanding and alienation. Codependency is about the desire to control the actions of another person in order to regulate one’s condition, to cope with feelings of abandonment, loneliness, emptiness, inferiority through him. Thus, the locus of control is not aimed inwardly, on his own needs and interests, but on the life of a significant object, on his control and “absorption.” The controlled object finds himself in a humiliating position when his partner declares a desire to be aware of all his affairs, regularly checks his phone, even goes so far as to control of money spending, when the controller insists on having a common bank card, issues a SIM card for himself, installs spyware on the computer, tracks his movements using GPS. The requirement for constant attention turns out to be paralyzing or makes you want to leave contact, hide. So, for example, one woman showed inappropriate behavior, throwing scandals at her husband every time he did not immediately answer the call, did not come when requested, and threatened suicide, citing the fact that he did not love her if he behaved this way. Not enough. the fact that such control humiliates the dignity of the other, but also forces him to become a hostage of emotional violence, and the person continues to remain in this relationship more out of a sense of rescue, guilt, fear than out of love. Someone who shows obsessive control also does not do it from love for another, but from fear of loneliness, wounded pride and lack of understanding of what to do next, how to live, what to strive for. A codependent mutual responsibility is formed when the painful behavior of one gives rise to painful reactions of the other. The counterdependent in these relationships implements an avoidance pattern (avoids contact, abuses alcohol), because is unable to build healthy boundaries. The codependent, on the contrary, constantly invades his boundaries, implementing the same scheme that the partner’s parents acted when they constantly invaded his personal space. The counterdependent, like the codependent, is also afraid of being abandoned, but demonstrates autonomy to as long as the codependent pursues him. If the counterdependent feels the risk of losing a significant object, he, through projective identification, begins to provoke situations in which he will again be persecuted (this could be illness, depression, getting into unpleasant situations, suicidal risk, any situations that will implicitly call for the help of the codependent The counterdependent often “offers himself” to the aggressor. When he stops controlling him, he is sincerely indignant, why does this happen? As a result, each time a sadomasochistic scenario of acting out children's schemes is played out. Each of the partners in a codependent relationship has a secondary benefit in the form of fear of abandonment and shifting responsibility for their emotional state. One constantly finds excuses why he is dependent on the other, appealing to his vulnerability and even insolvency in any life issues. Mixed in with this is a feeling of emptiness, which is acutely felt during periods of separation or separation. What is the feeling of emptiness? How is it formed? When a person has a weak “I” boundary and sense of self, he begins to introject parts of the “I” of the attachment figure into himself, appropriate them, making them part of himself. He appropriates his values, attitude to life, his hobbies, behavior and even manner of speaking, begins to listen to the same: +7 919 324 75 26.