There are a lot of situations in life that you want to refuse. However, sometimes you have to force the word “no” out of yourself. Having refused, many experience a feeling of guilt, inconvenience, and shame. And in order to avoid these unpleasant emotions, they agree to additional unpaid work, going to a boring event. In order not to offend anyone, such people take care of other people's affairs to the detriment of their own. Problems begin when a person constantly agrees to do something that everyone but him likes. At such moments, he wastes his most valuable resource - time. Life passes by. Besides this, no one respects a trouble-free person. He becomes an easy victim of manipulators. Why is it difficult for us to refuse? Fear of being bad and rejected. It comes from the sandbox, from early childhood. The child unconsciously absorbs everything that parents or significant adults teach. And sometimes they suggest: you need to share your toys with other children. And they express dissatisfaction and shame the child if he refuses to give up his favorite car or doll. The baby experiences ambivalent feelings: on the one hand, he really doesn’t want to give the toy away, on the other hand, he is afraid of displeasing his parents. Lose their love. A very difficult choice for a two or three year old child. This is how the fear of refusal is born. Growing up, such a person continues to live by the principle: “I must always help and give, even if I don’t want or can’t.” The fear is that people will also refuse help. Many in childhood heard the saying “What comes around, comes around.” And they live by this principle. They fulfill requests from other people, hoping to receive help that may not be available. As a result, they waste time and become disappointed in people who did not come to help. Excessive dependence on other people. And fear of loneliness. A dependent person thinks something like this: “If I refuse now, then my friends and colleagues will turn away from me, they will decide that I am a terrible friend and a bad person. I’d rather fulfill their request.” The following recommendations will help you learn to put your interests first when necessary and calmly refuse inconvenient requests: Help only when you really can. If you exhaust yourself, a crowd of parasitic people will quickly gather around. There is no need to sacrifice your time, energy and money when you barely have the strength. Start saying no small and with an alternative. In response to the request, look for a compromise. Offer an option that would suit you better. For example, a friend asks you to go with her to a concert that you are not interested in. Offer your options on how else you can spend time with her. Ask about consequences. Ask a question: you know, “I’m not really ready to do this now, but I’m afraid to refuse because...”. You'll likely be surprised that people will respond with "no big deal." Perhaps there will be those who will throw a tantrum and try to manipulate you. Ask yourself honestly: Do I need to continue communicating with this person? Write it down on paper and hang it in a visible place: I am confident in putting my interests first when I need to. Don't try to be good to everyone. At the end of your life, no one will pay a million dollars for this. Remember, your time and energy are more important than the needs and needs of others. At the end of your life, no one will give you a million dollars because you were convenient for everyone but yourself..