Depression is a word so often used to describe our negative states. We say: “I’m depressed” when we are upset about something, depressed, in a bad mood, or sad. All of the above, of course, is not depression, and now we will not talk about that, but about the psychology of a depressive person. What is depression and what distinguishes a depressed person from others? “Depression is a state of absence of sadness where sadness would be appropriate” (Volkart). What does it mean? Imagine living in a culture where death is not important. None at all. It is not customary to mourn the dead. That is, you don’t even know that you have the right to grieve and what grief actually is, since these words are not in the language. And now you lose a loved one. What do you feel? At least pain and anger. Naturally, you cannot count on support and understanding, since in the eyes of others you have no reason for these feelings. Are you alright! You are alive and well! And if you allow yourself to be sad and, God forbid, cry, you may not only not be understood, but even condemned. But the most important thing is that you yourself don’t know why you feel so bad, because no one explained to you that loss causes pain and anger. As a result, you begin to repress your feelings as strange, not shared by anyone and having no right to exist. Surely you have met people with seemingly petrified, tired faces. This happens when a person really wants to cry, but does not do so. Over time, such a depressive mask appears on his face. It's about the same with the soul. In order to hold back the pain, not to feel it, a person “freezes”... His desires, his libido, his interest in life freeze. Unexpressed anger turns inward, turning into auto-aggression and giving rise to a feeling of worthlessness. There is a feeling of emptiness inside, a large black hole that absorbs all the light. Heaviness settles in the body, it is no longer possible to move easily and freely, and even less so to dance. It is most comfortable to lie with your eyes closed. Almost death. Living Dead. This is what depression looks like. But in our culture, thank God, you can grieve for the dead, and at the same time count on the sympathy of others. Therefore, most often (but not always) a loss, no matter how severe it may be, is overcome over time, and the bereaved person does not get stuck in depression for the rest of his life. But there are losses that cannot be safely survived... Now imagine a baby who is born. He has a mom and a dad (or just a mom), and these are so far his only and closest people, on whom he depends, whom he needs, and whom he loves selflessly. He also needs their love - this is a condition for his mental survival. He has a mother, she takes care of him, feeds him, washes him, swaddles him. Everything is fine. But! This mother does not smile at the baby, there is no joy in her gaze when she sees him, she does not talk to him, that is, she is emotionally absent from interaction with him. Perhaps she herself is depressed, or she did not want this child and is not happy about him, she is absorbed in her worries, relationship with her husband, etc. and so on. That is, she simply has no time for him. She's not with him. Imagine that you live with a person whom you love very much, he is nearby, walks, sits, but does not see you, does not look at you and does not react to you in any way. There is such a thing in psychology as the “dead mother complex.” This is what she is - the living but emotionally dead mother of a depressed patient. The same thing happens to the child as with physical loss in the example mentioned above. Growing up, such a child does not realize the reasons for his depression. He will begin to realize them years later in the psychotherapist’s office (if he gets it). Moreover, he considers himself hopelessly bad and guilty that his mother does not love him. Now, if only he were better... He can’t talk to anyone about his feelings - how can he explain it if no one died, but you feel so bad?.