“Excuse me, please!”, “Forgive me!”, “I apologize” - we often hear or say these phrases. What do they mean? Let's think about this topic. We are used to asking for forgiveness in situations when we see that we have offended someone. In this case, we seem to admit our guilt and with a request for forgiveness we want to make amends for it. In situations where we have been offended, we also wait for words of forgiveness and, having waited for them, we “excuse” the offender. It is good if a person understands and feels his guilt. And if he apologizes only for decency, only to make the other person feel better, to “clear his conscience.” All these are words. Then it turns out that you did the deed, then said “sorry” and that’s it? Did the action disappear from this? As if a person is able to rewind a piece of life back with just one word and erase an unpleasant moment from it. One of the spouses cheated and that with just one phrase “Forgive me!” can he undo this act? No! You forgot about an important event and did not come to meet your friend. Is it possible to say “Sorry, please!” can you turn back time? No! The child cheated, the parents found out about it and obtained a confession and an apology. But the mistrust remains, the deception cannot be undone! The deed has been committed and it cannot be undone!!! You can’t rewind it and erase it from life!!! What does a person strive for when he asks for forgiveness without feeling guilty about himself? He simply shifts the responsibility for his action to someone else. How does this happen? Let's imagine two friends, let their names be Misha and Sasha. Misha crashed Sasha's car. - Sasha, excuse me, I crashed your car! – says Misha and gives the broken car to Sasha. “It’s okay, I’ll take it for repairs.” – says Sasha and takes the broken car. Misha is happy - he received forgiveness and gave his deed (the broken car) to Sasha. It’s easy and free for him. Sasha is not very happy - he received someone else’s action (a broken car) and must now bear responsibility for it (fix the car). And this happens almost always when someone asks for forgiveness. It’s as if he gives his action to another, with the words “I’m sorry. Sorry.” That’s what we were taught as children. You did something bad, you need to apologize and they will forgive you. If you hit a child, apologize. If you bit your grandmother, apologize. If you broke a vase, apologize. If you ate candy alone, apologize. It's simple. You just need to say the magic word “Sorry.” We come into life with this rule and teach our children the same way. Over time, we no longer notice how we apologize and ask for forgiveness everywhere. Without putting anything into your words. Stop, think, feel - do you really feel guilty, are you ready to take responsibility for your action, are you ready to pay an equivalent price for it? Then I suggest you learn to feel and experience your guilt. This is easy to do. Step 1: admit your guilt. Step 2: feel your guilt. When a person is guilty, he feels bad about it. Not ashamed! He's not angry! He feels bad, like “cats are scratching at your soul.” Step 3: get over your guilt. To get over it means allowing a person to do the same to himself. Let’s return to Misha and Sasha. Misha crashed Sasha’s car. - Sasha, it’s my fault that I crashed your car. I feel like crap. “You can break my car,” says Misha and gives the keys to his car to Sasha. Sasha can take the keys and break Misha's car, or offer him to pay for its repairs or forgive him. This will be his decision. In the end, Misha is happy - he has redeemed himself. It’s easy and free for him. Sasha is happy - he got the opportunity to compensate for the damage. Guilt is the feeling that a person least wants to experience. It is often replaced by anger, resentment, and shame. Almost all children, when asking for forgiveness, refuse to say “you can do the same to me.” Because at this moment they understand what they have done and that it is really unpleasant and painful. It is through the idea of ​​what you will experience in such a situation that the awareness and experience of guilt comes.