Safe sex and frozen sexuality I won’t write about sex techniques, it’s too early. But I’ll try to talk about the phenomenon of “non-manifestation” of sexuality in an unsafe context. If we explain “frozenness” in a very simple way, then it is a lack of feelings, interest, energy, spontaneity. Everything in sexuality is frozen, including sex itself, which becomes indifferent and cold, automatic. Or it disappears altogether. Symptomatically, it is described as follows: no interest in men, no interest in oneself, no desire to dress, it is impossible to be a woman - you become “just a person”, there is no coquetry, spontaneity, lively response and keen interest in another person. No sexual fantasies, no joyful, boring sex. There is no need to seduce and please. Even in this form, “there are no men around,” or “I don’t see them and they don’t see me.” The mutual process of excluding men and women from contact. Why? Because it’s very scary, very unsafe. And there is no place for spontaneity here, you cannot respond to interest, you cannot respond to an internal impulse (your own interest) and then there is no place for it to arise and unfold. To be spontaneous and therefore attractive, seductive and sexy is dangerous. This can have consequences, it scares both yourself and those around you. For example, because you don’t know how to deal with other people’s interest, attention and attraction to yourself. Agree and move on? Flirtat and refuse? As soon as obvious interest manifests itself, it becomes scary and the energy turns inward. No, I’m not into this part. I’ll sit at home, or in the library. For example, because it’s not clear, I don’t know what to do with my excitement and impulse? React and discharge externally? Refuse this impulse because it is “unbecoming”, married or simply decent women do not behave this way? Where to place it, how to show your attractiveness, but not jump into arms or run away? To withstand tension, but not go back and not go forward? For example, because the external context is unsafe - they will see, judge, appreciate, and other delights of collective life. Assessment in the most vulnerable place - the place of one’s sexuality and attractiveness, hits harder than any rod and the wound does not heal for a long time. For example, because competition with mom went “in the wrong direction.” Mom didn’t say what a wonderful girl you are and what a wonderful future awaits you with your man. Mom did not look with loving eyes and turned away to the place and not very much. And she taught her daughter not to compete and not to express herself - you will still lose. When a girl, a girl grows up, becomes more and more clearly a woman, it is more and more clearly visible that she is sexy. When it’s safe for her to be seductive - I’m beautiful, I’ll soon grow up and I’ll have my own man, then you can express yourself and not hide your sexuality. Then you can even stick out your sexuality, seduce others, yourself and get pleasure from yourself. Then it remains possible to continue to be like this - the context remains safe. No one encroaches, does not reach out, does not use her against herself, does not shame, does not humiliate, does not say “who are you?” And he says - this is your time to grow. When “something went wrong” - violence, abuse, early sexualization, incest, competition at the wrong time and with the wrong people - sexuality will not be able to manifest itself spontaneously. She will check the context - men, women, acquaintances and not so much. It will be difficult to deal with her - it is not clear where the border is, it is not clear when it is still yes and when it is no longer. It is difficult to appropriate it - it will become a threat. Natural shyness, shyness and awkwardness when potential intimacy arises regulate the speed and possibility of approach. When a girl has grown up in her time in safety, she generally manages to express herself and listen to herself - when she can, when she wants, how much more to allow, and when enough is enough. Traumatized sexuality rushes about in search of “yes or no,” to open up or hide. Show myself and let you see me, or hide. It's scary and then I will.