“What are these standards?” - you ask. Standards that determine how you can communicate and be treated and how you cannot. Standards that determine what he can tell you and what he cannot. Standards that show what is important to you in life, and what not. Have you not decided on these points yet? Quite possible. It is for this reason that questions like: - How to convey to a man that he is wrong are so popular? - How to convey it to a man so that he hears? - How to convey your desires to a man? - How to convey to a man that I deserve more? Some of these questions will disappear by themselves if you simply allow yourself to have your own standards. The remaining part will disappear as soon as you learn to correctly voice these standards to the men with whom you communicate. To complete the picture, I will immediately say that this approach should not be applied with husband, and with all other men, whose status can be defined by words such as: - Acquaintance / Good acquaintance; - Friend (read: Boyfriend); - Boyfriend; - “Common-law husband” (yes, yes, he’s there too). The problem of a huge number of women is that they either do not set any boundaries in their interaction with a man, or they set only formal boundaries, which are very easy “blurred out.” As a result, you seem to be telling the man what you need, but this is of very little use: 1. Your communication is gradually taking on a form that is unacceptable to you; 2. You “heroically” tolerate inappropriate situations and unworthy behavior; 3. A man stops taking you into account. One thing clings to another, and the circle closes very quickly: some event happened - you endured it - the man stopped respecting you. All this happens in small steps, and you can understand that everything is bad only when the situation is already very neglected. Therefore, now I suggest you learn to behave competently in really important, turning points of your interaction with a man. The first thing you need to do is to understand for yourself: - “What do I deserve as a woman?” - “How do I want for men to treat me?” - “What can I put up with and what can’t I?” In other words, you decide who you are, what you are. - If you are ready to listen to endless swearing, then the man will speak it himself - “Great Russian”. - If you “let go of insults” addressed to you, then rest assured that the man will provide them for you in unlimited quantities. - If you are ready to forgive assault, then do not be surprised that the man turns into a cruel tyrant. - If you are ready to endure the so-called “civil marriage”, then be prepared for the fact that it will never end. The list goes on... Understand that your standards must be unshakable. And a man’s going beyond the boundaries you have set must be stopped. To be more precise, “violation of the rules” should be followed by so-called negative reinforcement, i.e. a man must be deprived of something good. The strength of your negative reinforcement, of course, can vary: from almost harmless actions (like a stern look) to more serious things (say, completely ignoring a man). Let's cut out the strange questions right away and understand, that we deal with serious, important issues and do not lead to absurdity. If you have a rigid standard that a man should under no circumstances insult you, then this is necessary and correct. But if you have a rigid standard that a man must appear on a date in a tailcoat and nothing else, then this is already in the realm of absurdity. Yes, you can want anything and have the full and inalienable right to it, but the problem is that much fewer men will satisfy the absurd standards, so think , is something that you elevate to the rank of standard really so important to you. Now that you have sorted yourself out, all that remains is to “deal with” the man... How will we “deal with”? Of course, very softly and calmly. It's OKwill not happen, and now you will see this. One of the most typical situations that many women face is a man ignoring your words and desires. Why does this happen? The answer lies on the surface: your word, your warning means nothing to him. You said that you don’t like something and asked him not to do it. The man muttered something incomprehensible in response (or even promised that this would not happen again), but after some time he again does something that goes beyond your ideas about life. What are you doing? That’s right, you “release the brakes”, forgive, again say that “this is not possible” and continue to communicate further. This is repeated 2, 3, 10, 20 times, and your words turn into empty words for a man. What happens in the end? 1. You lose his respect (if you had any at all).2. He concludes for himself that you are quite ready to put up with the fact that he (let’s call a spade a spade) behaves like a pig. Don’t deceive yourself and don’t make excuses for a man - within yourself you understand perfectly well what is normal in a relationship and what - no. If your demands are absurd, then the man will ignore them, but this will not bother you much, since you understand that you yourself “went too far.” But if he ignores really important, serious things (and you understand this very well ) then this means that he does not take you seriously. Therefore, your task comes down to not slipping into “endless forgiveness”, when over and over again you endure, endure, endure, until you finally find yourself completely dependent on a man .Your task is to make sure that your word does not diverge from deeds. Yes, for this your word must be well thought out, and you need to work on it. Otherwise, you will hardly be able to defend your values, standards and beliefs. And if you don’t do this, then a man will. And it’s good if his vision coincides with yours, but this happens oh so rarely, so you don’t need to count on it. You need to count on the fact that you, as a woman, must set general principles for the development of your relationship from the very beginning, without allowing your words turn into “the last Chinese warning.” How is this done? Say 1 time that some behavior (or situation) is unacceptable. See what happens next. Is this behavior repeated? Ok, you again talk about the inadmissibility of such an act or treatment of you and inform the man that upon the third repetition (and it will be the third!) you will be forced to stop all communication with him .Total:1. 1 time - notification (we are only talking about the inadmissibility of what is happening); 2. 2 times - notification + condition (we are talking about inadmissibility + “sanction” for violation, which we talked about just above); 3. 3 times - explanation (“Do you remember what we talked about? I have to stop communicating with you”). This is the basic scheme for conveying your standards to a man. There is no need to invent complex concepts with 138 warnings that neither you nor the man will believe in. If a man did not understand how to treat you in 2 times, then he will not understand in 1002 times either, you can be sure. Why do you need a man who ignores your desires and, moreover, does not respect you as a person? Please note that you always speak in a friendly, soft and calm manner - this is your high standard and you do not slide down to a showdown with a man. This is not necessary. But you need to be calm and serious. You need to confidently and at the same time gently voice to the man what you really think and what is important to you. Finally, you need to stop “shaking "and be afraid of losing this particular man. This is what will allow you initially, from the very first time, to speak in such a way that the man will understand for himself: “Damn it, she’s not joking...” And after the first correct notification you will feel relief and see that the man really heard and understood you. You immediately become a woman to be reckoned with. Moreover, the man