From the author: this article can be read in the women's magazine "OsobaYa" "If you stop loving and making mistakes, then you can bury yourself alive" Goethe In our hectic times, people have learned to calmly treat such concepts , such as: divorce, single-parent family, etc. Previously, in my deep childhood, the word fatherlessness was almost a dirty word. It was a shame to be in this status, and for some reason it was a shame especially for the children. A single mother was considered almost a walking woman. At the moment, in addition to private practice, I also work at a school, so I see how much the world has changed. At least a third of the students in the school live in single-parent families and do nothing... live. But in my article I want to talk not about the statistics of modern family relationships, but about the fact that people have forgotten how to build these relationships, have forgotten how to analyze and correct their mistakes. You know, I very often have to work with ladies who have gone through a divorce. Yes, these are very sad stories. Yes, they come to me when THIS has already happened and there is practically no chance to fix anything in this relationship. But I am always pleased by the fact that many of them never cease to believe that something wonderful is still waiting for them. In this case, I’m talking about the absence of illusions, but the presence of a desire to fix something. It is very pleasant to work with such ladies and they can really change themselves and their lives by realizing their mistakes for the better. But there are also ladies who come to me for consultation with a statement like: “I don’t have relationships with men. Maybe I was cursed/jinxed? In this case, I propose to describe the last three “novels”, and then analyze them with me. Most often, ladies themselves understand that in all their relationships they simply repeated the same mistakes, which led to the same results. There are many variations of mistakes, but conditionally they can be combined into two global groups: 1. I have drawn an ideal man for myself and will “bring” the existing man to this ideal state.2. The man in the family (and the man may not plan a family as such) is the main one, so the woman’s task is to please him, to dissolve in him, abandoning everything and everyone. What happens when option No. 1 is chosen. A woman throws all her strength into improving her men: makes comments to him, improving his behavior, constantly compares him with more successful people, and not in favor of this man, criticizes his clothing style, his friends, his parents. What a man “hears” in this case: you are bad, you are bad, you are a loser. Is there a chance to improve something in this situation? I think it's unlikely. A man will endure for some time because he is interested in this woman, then he will resist as best he can, then he will simply leave for someone who will not improve him. What happens when option No. 2 is chosen. A woman throws all her strength into improving the space around her man, forgetting that she is also alive, that she can and should have her own interests, her friends, her loved ones and relatives. After some time there is nothing to talk to her about. Her whole life revolves around the life of her man. So a woman goes into the category of “household appliances”, and, as you know, they don’t take her into account: if she gets old/broken, she is simply replaced. I understand that in my article I deliberately avoided such wonderful words as love, romance, etc. In this case, it is not because I do not believe in them, but because very often these words lead to people living in a world of illusions. At the same time, they blame their mistakes on anyone but themselves. Therefore, I suggest - believe in love, but do not leave reality. Good luck to you!