From the author: “Holiday” Magazine. August, 2007Learning to sleep separately is not an easy task. Especially if the child has rarely been in his crib since birth. Parents often explain the presence of a child in an adult’s bed by saying that the child sleeps restlessly, opens up, cries, it is better to be nearby all the time. When the child grows up, parents timidly try to “move” him into his own bed, but are faced with tears and hysterics. The parents themselves begin to get nervous, quarrel with each other, and everyone is guaranteed a ruined night. In order not to create such a situation again, the parents wave their hand: “Okay, let him sleep with us. It's OK". Nothing terrible will happen, really. Even, to some extent, calmer and more familiar. Another thing is whether parents want their child to grow up and successfully adapt to life; Do they want natural and harmonious relationships for themselves? In cases where mom and dad cannot refuse their child, they deprive him of the opportunity to grow up: to independently find a way out of a difficult situation, to learn to create his own comfortable space. In addition, while staying in the parent's bed, the child learns to control the parents' behavior: when mom and dad should go to bed, who will lie where, perhaps insists that dad (this happens much more often) sleep separately. “There is no need to share mom and dad, she should belong to me undividedly.” Many mothers are happy to “buy” into such manipulation - it provides additional confirmation of their significance. Dads, having argued to no avail, agree, because the argument is weighty - “This is better for the child!”, Vaguely feeling that something is wrong here. And their feelings do not deceive them. Usually, a child lingers for a long time in his parents’ bed when the parents have tense relationships with each other. The opposite may also be true - the child began to sleep with his parents and the relationship began to deteriorate. More often, mothers sleep with their children. Women are more emotional than men; they project their anxieties and their own insecurity onto the child: his presence satisfies their need to feel the warmth and closeness of a loved one. Therefore, it is useful to ask yourself an honest question in order to get an honest answer: “What does a child do in the parental bed? Whose needs does it satisfy? Are we hiding behind the fact that it’s better for the child?” Of course, the baby needs to be pampered, lie around, play with his parents in their cozy bed, feel their warmth and tenderness. It’s just important to do this in doses: it’s better on weekends, when no one is in a hurry. Both parents and children will look forward to these minutes as a holiday, pleasure, time only for them - those closest to them. This will help avoid unnecessary tears and stress. What to do when you have decided to separate your child? This will require your confidence and consistency. First, agree with your spouse about when you plan to move the baby to your bed. Talk to your child about this, it doesn’t matter how old he is, he feels everything perfectly from birth. Explain to him that sleeping separately is not a punishment, but a privilege. Tell him about his achievements in independence: “You already know how to put away toys yourself; wash. fasten shoes; etc.” Let your child understand that he is already BIG and INDEPENDENT, and now he can fall asleep in HIS own bed. Decide together which soft toy he will take with him. Establish a ritual for falling asleep - a light massage, a fairy tale, plans for tomorrow, a kiss, wishes for a restful sleep. Such a pleasant ritual can take 5-15 minutes, this is quite enough for going to bed to go smoothly. Be firm in your actions and patient. Sweet dreams to you!