From the author: More about relationships here: “I want to get married!” - For what? -To be loved. “I want a child” - Why? -To have someone to love. “I want to earn a lot of money” -Why? -To travel. -For what? -To feel free. The list of such dialogues can be continued. Only change the objects of desire, and the goals to which these objects should lead, and leave only one thing unchanged - in order to be someone (for example, happy, loved, free), then you need to have someone or something. There are no other ways to achieve the desired state. There must be a certain condition (also an obstacle) to achieve happiness, harmony, intimacy and other desired states. There must be someone (or something) responsible for our happiness. And then the following happens. I acquire a loved one, sit down and wait until I feel that I am loved. At first you feel it, and then less and less, and then not as much as you would like. And I think some low-quality favorite was caught. It's time to change it. I exchange it for a new, improved one, with additional functions, and again the same story. The first year it works fine, then all sorts of defects appear again. It's the same with a child. I'm getting a child for love. I love him beyond belief. About 2.5-3 years. And then this child stops appreciating my love and starts throwing tantrums at me in the store. And when I have tantrums, I feel unloved. How can you love something like this? No way. You need to either remake it or get a new one. And give the old one to a psychologist for re-education, let him teach him how to love his mother. Money is also interesting. I earn a lot of money, but there is no time left for travel. Moreover, I feel squeezed into a corner: obligations, partners, deadlines, contracts, urgent work. When I travel, I don’t turn off my phone for fear of missing an important call, and I think about how much work will pile up after the vacation. I have fulfilled the conditions for achieving happiness everywhere, but happiness does not come. Or maybe, in order to have a loved one (or marriage), you must first be loved (by yourself); in order to have a child, you must first be able to give love; in order to have money, you must first be free. Maybe in order to have a strong man, you must first be a weak woman? Maybe to have a close relationship you need to be close to yourself? Maybe in order to have health, you must first be valuable (to yourself)? Maybe in order to have something, you must first be someone? Maybe you shouldn’t connect your own happiness with someone and something external? Maybe this is an internal feeling of yourself and your life? Maybe you shouldn’t make happiness, love, freedom your goal? Maybe these states are a path that we can follow every minute of our lives, making choices in favor of living our lives this way? Maybe what you need is already there? Love yourself and your loved ones. Sincerely, Yulia Minakova. Friends, a gift in the form of an e-book “Five steps to relationships that bring pleasure” is waiting for you here.