From the author: Almost all problems in our relationships with men, with parents, children, friends, colleagues are problems of violating our boundaries! If you don’t feel them and don’t take care of them, this leads to difficulties in life. How to feel and maintain your boundaries? When a relationship is just beginning, we are so focused on who is next to us, we enjoy communication so much, we want to be close so much that personal boundaries at this moment are very much erased. And often what we don’t really like is unnoticed at the first stage of a relationship, or we pretend that everything is fine. Everyone wants to adapt to the other and really wants to give their partner many pleasant moments. But the relationship is developing. Differences in lifestyle, in lifestyle, in needs, in points of view on various issues begin to appear. We get tired of doing what we don't like and adapting to others. And instead of directly and calmly identifying our desires and needs, we begin to make claims, get angry, be offended that the other doesn’t understand you and wants everything to be his way. At this moment, many questions arise about how to stay in a relationship save yourself? How to allow yourself to be free while in a relationship so as not to endure? How not to limit another, so as not to encounter grievances and claims later? Often we are not very aware of where our boundaries end and the boundaries of another person begin. We don't understand what our personal space is and how to protect it. For example, when your loved one buys a trip to Bali without asking you, most likely you will be happy. But in fact, at this moment your loved one is violating your boundaries. And there are options: you are happy because you perceive it as care, surprise, love. Or maybe you’re annoyed because Bali is cool! But “why didn’t he ask when it was convenient? Why doesn’t he consider it necessary to take into account that it is on these dates that I launch the project! Why not proceed from your egoistic needs, but correlate your ideas with my capabilities!” And the most benign intention can turn your life into a hell of experiences. When your loved one tells you at 11 p.m. that he will be watching a movie in the bedroom, and at this time you go to bed and you have to get up early in the morning for work, then this is also a violation of your boundaries. And if everything is in order with personal boundaries, then, as a rule, we can simply say “No”, indicate our position, maybe give out some then there are other options that are convenient for you and the topic is often closed. And if you find yourself in unbearable experiences: he tried so hard! If I refuse, he will never spoil me again! What if he leaves! This is a scandal! And on the other hand, I can’t leave at this particular time! I will be fired from my favorite job! Several months of my work - down the drain! Etc. You find yourself in a situation between a rock and a hard place, where there is no way out. There are only soul-tearing feelings. Or in the example of sleep: I want to sleep. I have the right to proper rest. I get headaches when I don't get enough sleep. And at the same time: well, this is a common space. He also has the right to do what he likes. If I start objecting now, we’ll spend half the night sorting things out... Sound familiar? Do you find yourself in such an internal conflict? Often? This just means that there are no clearly recognized and constructed boundaries. There is no skill in calmly and freely expressing your desires, needs, and position. You have to constantly make compromises that are not in your favor. Sooner or later you get the feeling that your personal life doesn’t exist at all. You live within the framework of the interests and needs of other people. Husband/man, children, parents, girlfriends…. Everyone always interferes, asks, demands, uses, pushes. You are tired... What to do? The very first thing that is important to do is to accept that you do not know your personal boundaries. You don’t understand where your space is and where it’s someone else’s. You yourself have no clarity, and you cannot clearly!