When we start to lash out at our loved ones and are constantly irritated, it means that something has gone wrong in our life. A good psychologist will help you find the source of negativity and return life to a calm, comfortable direction. For various reasons, it is not always possible to contact a specialist. In this article I would like to talk about how to improve the situation yourself.1. Lack of agreement with ourselves We often lose our strength and become constantly irritated when we are forced to do something with which we internally disagree. When we are treated like a function and not a living person. We often put off such things, but we still have to do them. Such situations appear “normal” on the surface. We don't pay attention to them. We begin to think when we feel strong negative emotions and fatigue. For example, a report that should have been sent “yesterday” and which no one will read, but you still have to write it. Relatives who insist on constant help with housework, although they can handle it themselves. Money completely spent on the “wants” of others, as a result, there is nothing left for yourself. We ourselves cannot always immediately understand why we don’t want to do something, where strong irritation and anger arise. Sometimes, to figure this out, it is enough to carefully observe your thoughts and emotions; in some cases, you will need the help of a specialist. It is advisable to minimize the number of situations with which we internally disagree. Unfortunately, we cannot always quickly change some aspects in our lives. But we have the power to move from the position of a victim to the position of an adult decision maker. To do this, you need to recognize your emotions in relation to the situation (“I’m angry... I don’t like...”) and formulate its meaning for yourself (“For what?”), for example: “I don’t feel comfortable working next to these people and doing meaningless tasks, but I’m staying there for experience in this position.” You can read more about finding agreement with yourself in A. Langley’s book “A Life Filled with Meaning,” and about finding meaning in the most hopeless situation in V. Frankl’s book “Saying Yes to Life!” . Psychologist in a concentration camp.”2. Accumulated negative emotions Sparks of irritation, falling on the warm coals of accumulated negative emotions, give an instant outbreak of anger. It's almost impossible to deal with. To avoid this, it is useful to “cleanse” accumulated negative emotions from time to time. To do this, you can, for example, write everything that makes you angry and irritated on paper. Write until the emotions subside. It happens that after this the reason itself seems insignificant and you soon forget about it. If the situation has seriously affected you, then it is worth discussing it in a calm atmosphere. The “I-message” technique is well suited for this, when you do not blame the other, but tell him about your emotions, vision of the situation and suggestions. This technique is described in detail in books by Yu.B. Gippenreiter “Communicate with the child. How?". It is very important not to leave such situations unattended. In the case of your silence and “patience for the good,” the other person may not guess about your experiences and continue to do the same thing.3. Unrealistic expectations The child got all dirty, the husband forgot about the wedding anniversary, the housing office was rude, and at work they didn’t thank you for a profitable deal. Everyone can remember many similar situations. All this is unpleasant. If a lot of such situations happened during the day, then in the evening we will probably “lash out” at those who are nearby. Most likely, one of your loved ones. Let's think about it. Were these people in a position to do things differently? Before this, was it possible that they behaved differently? After analyzing the situation, we understand that our irritation is due more to our expectations than to the actions of other people. We have a choice: each time we “stumble” over the “wrong” (inconsistent with our expectations) behavior of others or adjust our expectations. Moreover, we can take into account/