How to reach a teenager? Parents of teenagers come to me with different requests - “he doesn’t want to do anything, just play on the computer with the boys”, “it’s impossible to get her to be interested in studies, she’s rude to me and generally behaves like a consumer”, “you tell him , you say and there is no return.” And now their teenager is sitting in consultation, wonderful, sincere in his emotions and desires - “I’m tired, I don’t want to communicate with them,” “don’t touch me,” “they make me sick.” , “they would give me some pocket money and fall behind with their studies,” “but Lenka infuriates me, she generally told me that Marinka is a fool, but in front of Marinka she communicates with her as if nothing had happened.” And a million more different shades of the inner world of this young individual man. At first they let me into this world with wariness, gradually revealing it from different sides - and if I admit, as if in passing, that today we walked for the first lesson and came to the second - how will the psychologist react? ? Will this get to my mom? Suddenly a curse word will burst out or an unfiltered stream of thoughts will come out that “mom is completely fucked up with her “you have to look decent, you’re a girl.” I’m so sick of the school and its whining about the importance of a good grade for admission, but I failed in Russian , well, I don’t care, but with mathematics everything is ok, I copy with talent.” Every step is like a reconciliation - but am I really interesting to you? You really won’t start teaching when I say that Lena and I have declared a boycott on Marina? Well, speaking to a boy, are you really interested in my world of Minecraft and Roblox? Do you know what discord and steam are? At some point, there is trust in talking about something more vulnerable and exciting. And at such moments, as a human being, I really want to point out to this trembling person thousands of other things that he is not yet used to talking and thinking about. But the task is different, it is important to let him go through this on his own. With support and acceptance of his speed and pace. All this is visible from the outside and experience - And, as now, saying that “when mom and I quarrel, dad is always on her side” - he wants to be closer to his father and find contact , and how he himself doesn’t know what it’s like to be close, which makes him even more nervous. I cautiously suggest that since you feel bad about it, you can try to do something about it. If you want. The choice and life are yours. If you’re scared yourself, the three of us can arrange a meeting with him. And one in this story, a little more resourceful and happy, says to his mother, “Dad’s got it, next time we’ll go to a psychologist together.” And the other one, “I don’t have a problem with that.” “Everything is fine with mom, let’s talk about Lenka.” She is in her process, contact with her mother is just as important, but she is just not ready to take such risks and turn to the need to reconsider this relationship by opening up. And in all this, I, as a psychologist, see it as important to be on the side of the needs of this wonderful person, to teach him to hear himself and your fears, your disagreement or vulnerability. Make mistakes and be accepted, be able to defend one’s territory, one’s own, and at the same time be able to do what needs to be done. And at the same time, I perfectly understand and support the desires of the parent, “to study, to have trust and communication, to be interested in mathematics, and not in the computer.” . (You yourself don’t know how to be sincerely interested in something that is not interesting? When it’s interesting and exciting, there’s a lot of energy and we achieve our goals with admirable tenacity and resourcefulness. Agree, such understandable feelings - I myself sit and procrastinate at times. Leave me alone, WORLD , you need it from me with yours)))) I hear parents who really want a successful future for their children, to protect them from the bitterness of mistakes and wrong choices, so that it will be easier right away, they want a good relationship, not the same as they had, they want from their children , openness. I would like to suggest to you not to pull it out with pliers. Your beautiful child is a separate person, not yet experienced, but he is doing just that right now. And for him you will not be able to walk this road. I just recently wrote about this here for parents to think about. Are you worried? Psychologist to help. A person from the outside is easier. ✍