“Maybe you should look for a better paying job?” Are there quarrels in your family over money? Or have you recently begun to think that there are some difficulties in your family with money? This means that there are other disagreements in the family, not of a financial nature. Do you want to know what lies behind family quarrels over money? There are different periods in families, including moments when one of the spouses earns more. If the relationship is open and healthy, there are options for additional income, using savings, and options to “fit into the budget.” If the fateful question is voiced (even inside you, without being brought up for discussion), other questions about the relationship are ripe. For example, a woman is not satisfied with sex, does not feel attracted to her husband, and is overtired from household chores. For some reason, the family does not talk about this openly. And then, out of a desire to save the family (and maybe her state of mind), the woman will not say, “I feel bad in bed with you!” But to say that the income level is not high is quite possible. And it doesn’t matter what the husband thinks about this - even with a high income, the conversation can be developed in such a way that he won’t even dare to talk about intimacy (refer to acquaintances with a higher income, mention that his brother has a larger apartment, etc. .). The opposite example is that a man does not consider his wife worthy of going out together (in his opinion, she is fat-flat-small-not beautiful-...). And then you can refuse to go out, go to a restaurant, go on vacation together - under this plausible pretext. “Maybe you too will start earning money..?” And then the question from the plane of dissatisfaction with the wife flows into a financial one. And there is no need to discuss the true reasons for the complaints. SOLUTION TO THE SITUATION: Start with what is happening in the relationship now? What exactly do you want to say or ask? Since when did phrases with reproaches about wages begin to appear? What has changed recently in the relationship? What emotions do you generally experience when communicating with your spouse? You can find the real reason for dissatisfaction with the situation or with each other through analysis and together with the therapist. As for the very wording “maybe you can earn more?” – then you need to clearly understand that this is manipulation. This means we must stop it, without trying to make excuses or making promises. How? “I hear what you are telling me about having a small income. I hate to hear this, because I myself am looking for solutions. Therefore, I ask you not to reproach you like that again.” As an option - if you are ready for this - ask what your spouse is really not happy with. This way the situation will be clearer, and, most likely, the remaining difficulties of the family will be revealed..