From the author: May, 2012 When trouble comes... It changes the usual way of life and ideas about it, about the values ​​of life. At first a person cannot believe what happened, but time makes adjustments to consciousness and he asks himself: “Why did this happen, why?” Feelings of guilt and aggression may arise. In his thoughts, he returns again and again to the situation that preceded the start of the event and often blames himself for not having behaved differently, which could have prevented the disaster. Going over in his mind all the options for possible behavior, even in this case he does not find it. It’s good if there are people nearby who support and help you figure it out. But how can we continue to live with such pain, when thoughts about the departed occupy all the time, when tears flow like a river, especially when a person is left alone. How to keep from crying when he is just walking down the street and distracted from his business? The most difficult period in experiencing grief lasts up to 6 months. The period when consciousness is forced to accept reality, and behavior is forced to restructure. There is inclusion in various areas of life, for example, fulfilling responsibilities at work, in the family, meeting with relatives and other people, finding ways to solve problems that the deceased used to solve. The anniversary of the tragedy, the birthday of the deceased, and other significant dates associated with the loss (the first New Year without him, the first spring...) are difficult to experience. Even more time passes and the need to fill the void gradually arises. A person needs emotional connections with others... He can give his love and warmth... He will continue to live, and with warmth he will remember the person who has passed away and is increasingly dear to him over time. If this is how the grief reaction to the death of a significant loved one proceeds, then this process, although extremely difficult, is considered normal. Reactions are considered pathological if they: firstly, are inadequate to the loss, for example, there is no grief in the event of the death of a significant person, or it is very intense in the event of the death of a stranger. These two reactions can be interrelated and the first precedes the second. For example, for various reasons (usually due to psychological defenses that allow one to “withstand” a traumatic situation without fully allowing it to fully dawn on consciousness), he was unable to grieve the death of a loved one, but gave vent to his feelings when he lost someone else. This connection is not conscious; secondly, they do not correspond to the time that has passed since the death of a loved one and the dynamics of grief. If a person is “frozen” in grief and, as they say, “time does not heal” (in fact, it is not time that heals, but the process of experiencing itself, which over time, if this process continues, gradually changes, returning the person to the opportunity to live on), then such grief is pathological. What does the process of experiencing mean? Shock. At first the person cannot believe what happened and is in a state of shock. This lasts from the first seconds to about 9 days (also gradually changing). Such a reaction (denial), first not allowing, and then partially letting into consciousness, the full severity and reality of the situation, allows you to “not go crazy.” This is a very difficult period when it is necessary to perform many tasks related to paperwork, funerals, wakes and rituals associated with them, but this is precisely what allows you to “hold on” during this period (i.e., be able to complete these tasks). Great grief. After shock and numbness comes the search stage and the stage of acute grief (when the person begins to fully understand the loss). This one lasts up to about 40-50 days. At this time, a person almost constantly thinks about the deceased. He experiences a range of feelings, emotions, both conscious and not (often opposite): guilt, resentment, aggression, fear, anxiety, sometimes even a feeling of relief. Periodically, he “hears” the sound of a door opening and automatically, for a split second, attributes it to the deceased, but catches himself, “sees” him in the crowd and immediately realizes that he has made a mistake. These reactions may.