Many parents fearfully await the onset of adolescence in their child, having heard enough horrors from other parents and the media. Is it possible to avoid all the horrors that frighten them? What to do to prevent life with a teenager from turning into in “War of the Worlds”? We’ll talk about this in this article. All parents want to see their children responsible, purposeful and independent. Why do many parents behave as if they want their children to grow up completely different - conflict-ridden, driven and dependent? They wage an irreconcilable struggle against those manifestations of a teenager that precisely contribute to his personal development and the formation of the qualities they desire. According to the textbook “Pedagogy and Psychology of Personality Development” by M.V. Markeeva, the main tasks of adolescence include: Separation from parents, acquisition of psychological independence Search for new authorities in the world of adults (not parents) Acceptance of responsibility for one’s life and the consequences of one’s actions Determination of a priority area of ​​interest, vocational guidance Acquiring a stable position and status in an informal reference group of peers, search for unity with peers based on interests Beginning to resolve problems associated with physical maturation (psychosexual development) Self-knowledge and understanding of oneself, one’s feelings and motives for one’s actions Formation of a system of values. The teenager tries to solve these problems in all ways available to him: by breaking away from the care of his parents, defending your freedom, your right to choose your life path, friends, how to spend your free time, meets your first love. How do parents often perceive this? Like rebellion, disobedience, disrespect, promiscuity. And what are they trying to do? The right thing to do is stop this behavior, return the teenager back to the time when he was obedient, spent a lot of time with his family, did what his parents told him, was friends with those whom his parents approved, wore clothes that his parents choose or approve of. That is, in general terms, a parent wants to control the life of his son or daughter so as not to worry about something wrong happening to him. And in general, a parent knows best what is tender for his child to be happy! This path leads to difficulties in relationships with a teenager. Many parents try to use the so-called coercion system, which consists in the fact that adults try to force the teenager to obey, using such methods such as lecturing, inducing feelings of guilt, screaming, threats, deprivation of gadgets and communication with friends, physical punishment. It is often difficult for a parent to rebuild their relationship with a teenager from a relationship of control to a relationship of agreement. But a teenager can be compared to a spring, which the tighter you squeeze , the harder she will shoot later. And then the teenager turns into a “Difficult Teen”, who responds to his parents in the same way: screams, threats, addictions, lies and aggression. But there is another way, it is much more difficult and requires more effort from parents. This is the path of respect and respect for the personality of a teenager, his freedom. For this, the parent must be an authority for the child, and not a tyrant or a bore. He and his teenager should become allies, not adversaries. What should a parent do to ensure that the relationship with the child is respectful and close? You need to know the character, temperament, characteristics of your child, and for this he needs to be present in his life constantly, and not just for a while depending on the time something happens. Being present in a child’s life does not mean constantly controlling him, demanding an account of everything, being with the child every minute, depriving him of his freedom. No, it means always being ready to listen, to come to the rescue when he needs it, even if you warned your son or daughter that you shouldn’t do this, but he didn’t listen to you and got into trouble. And in this case, he doesn’t need your reproaches and gloating “I told you.